kegembiraan di hadapan TV

it was a great week for football fans around the world. The champ league resumes with 2 giants from england faces 2 giants from spain.

me as an arsenal fan was rooting for arsenal of course. And not many believed arsenal could win at the bernebeu. But win they did. So there!

real madrid was slumping anyway. i dunno wheter it was their tactics or their lack of self belief or they're just purely over confident that they could murder arsenal but they sure looks like sunderland in disguise.

the 2nd leg will be played at highbury so .. arsenal must prepare for a real madrid backlash.

the day after .... barca was playing chelsea. and its even better. del horny was sent off. barca felt the red was justified but chelsea think otherwise.

oh well. the 10 men chelsea just couldn't cope with the likes of deco, rondaldinho, etoo and especiall lionel messi who on his own dribbles and pass and just cause havoc in the chelsea defence. SO there!

i thought mourinho would humble a bit but ... u know ... he got his reasons for losing. he always does.

fun with dick and jane: see a dick run

i am into the 4th season of seinfeld. once you start you can't stop. and its no mystery co-producer larry david is a comedic maestro. he can make insignificant details and small issues in life.. funny and amusing. all comedians uses stuff from real life. that's how we relate with comedy. it's how we digest it. if not .. we wouldn't get the joke or the puch line. combine larry david and funny man jerry seinfeld .. you have the best sitcoms ever. another show i've mentioned before is curb your enthusiasm which is a larry david's show. he plays himself who in the show go around town and jsut doing what a person would do but in larry's case everything would turn into a disaster. funny.

and during the weekend farah came and we watched fun with dick and jane which i rate 3 outta 5. before that..we were at midvalley to meet up with our employed buddies that we haven't seen for months now. and we bowled. i'm no good at bowling coz bowling is a mental sport ... like snooker. u don';t have to be a super athelete and u know... have diets and do weights or sprints to bowl. u can be a fat chump and still bowl great. all you have to do is have this focus and train to get a strike. sounds easy. haha.. but in sport the hardest thing is getting psyched and focus.like sport...... focusing in life is also really .... really hard.

if i were to focus on my dreams i would've became something else. but that would mean me making a decision when i was still in primary school. and start focusing then. that's why parents made the decisions for us. coz when we were kids we make decisions based on nothing. i am suggesting parents to ask their children what they want to be when they grow up. And once they figured it out you would hand them the classifieds and show them the requirement needed for the job. and one more thing ... mention the salary of the job they wanted.

so if the kid wanted to become Gaban. you would go ... gaban doesn't exist and even if he did he wasn't paid kicking bad guys asses. if he wanted to be a doctor... then .. you'd say to be a doctor you need to be in a science class and score perfect A's and go into 5 years of university bla bla bla and you would get paid .. bla bla bla $$$$. and all the kid have to do is just follow his dream.

when i was a kid i wanted to be a doctor because i thought being a professional is a way of life and doctor didn't happen. i thought it would be so cool having your own medical tools and the robes u know... looking all smart and shit. and then i wanted to be a pilot coz i think flying and traveling is so cool but that's out of the picture. along the way ..... ...my focus is blurred a little bit. i was focusing on some stupid teenage stuff like porn and shits and suddenly being a doctor is out coz i suck at biology and pilot ? ... i only got my driving license aged 24 ... flying a plane ? and the sad part was .. i never even once hate myself for not getting what i want. hmmmm .. so i have to stick with what i have. and that's not much. if only i was to focus on one thing and put some effort into it.

but to be what you want you have to have a 100% pure intention in doing what you want because if not .. it won't work out. you have to be focused all the time. endure years of other things that might get in your way. but like arip always said ...that's adiabatic. pure is 100% and nothing is 100%.

now i'm just a bum with a 2nd lower degree with nothing to offer to those close to me let alone malaysia or the world. finally i know what and who i want to be .. but it's too late. soul searching shouldn't take this long. but i ain't giving up yet. i'll make the most out of what i have with and see how it goes. and maybe someday i'd get what matters most which is probably being happy with what i have and feel bliss like the day when i stood up in class and said i wanted to be a doctor.

still no update on the job interview. to be honest, i was hoping. i'm optimistic but if it didn't turn out for me then what am i suppose to do?

[those who don't care about basketball may ignore this paragraph]. the 55th all-star weekend was great tho. the sprite slam dunk contest was sooo cool. the NBA director wanted to cancel the slam dunk event coz the contest seems to lost its flair but this year its a contest again. the dunk was unbelievable. this dude from the 6ers did this dunk from behind the backboard with help from allen iverson. Allen iverson threw the ball to the backside of the glass and while in mid-air the dunker catches it and dunks the ball. it was basically a dunk from the backboard, the guy practically dodges his head so it wouldn't hit the underside of the glass. In fact, he did hit his eyebrows during his first attempt. In the end, the winner was nate from the knicks who jumps over spud web. the ironic thing was spud and nate was almost the same height (5ft 8 in something) and spud also won the dunk contest in 1986. the senior all-star game was allright. nothing that fancy it was ok. In my opinion...last year's game was better.

[those who don't wanna know about football, ignore] enough basketball.. champ league is taking place this week. Arsenal will be taking on real madrid while chelsea will be hosting barca. I bet it's a busy week for the bookies. anyway, me and arsenal fans around the world would hope arsenal would win. being optimistic i would say arsenal can win. being realistic however i would say a draw the very least. Real madrid has been impressive in their last few games. and their firepower up front is world class. Arsenal on the other hand have this patch-up defense with goal shy strikers and ageing midfielders. key players are injured especially the full back position.adebayor the arsenal new signing is cup tied and reyes has a small chance of playing. henry is moving. i don;t think arsenal can match his sporting ambitions. maybe not this season. but who knows...the new stadium might lure him into staying plus the new deal i hear is quite lucrative. between barca and chelsea ... i hope the best team wins. i respect both teams. they have good players and a good coach and i'm sure it will be tight. my prediction - ARsenal 1 - r. madrid 0 and chelsea 1- barca 1. I just think that chelsea's defence is shaky now and barca scores almost every game they've played.

valentino

Its the 14th of february and its that time of year again where people around the world celebrates valentine's day. It's a day to embrace love and the death of St. Valentine who is the saint of love, the hero that saved us from being cold and loveless and dead. The earth is not a dead cold place thanks to mr valentine.

Hahaha, even if its true (which i don't care) i don' t think we need valentine's day. I have had enough of love being commercialized. The world revolves around love. Its stronger than anything. bla bla bla. Its so bogus. We have love stories and bands playing love songs, love books, couples everywhere, flowers , heart shaped everything and etc ... so why do we need a day to remind us about love .... its pathetic and depressing.

You know what we need? We need valentine's day ...everyday ....because the world is filled with people who is full of hate, loveless and is war stricken with weirdos and pedhophiles parading around. Murderers and child abusers, butchers looking for girl's meat and rapist and they really need days where they can't take a break and say" today is a day to embrace love, we'll stop and continue later when i'm full of hate again"

Okay some may agree to disagree but it is just one day where couples send at least a SMS saying i love u bla bla happy valentine day .... But isn't that what you do everyday? except attaching the valentine's day sentence in the message?

And if you're single .. isn't love what you are looking for ? Isn';t everyday is a day full of love. Love is everywhere. Today you will celebrate valentine's day and a few days/months later you'd break up. Where is St. Valentine's now? How about if i make up a new event on the calendar? Hafdzuan's break up day? 15th of february? Where couples who really is sick of eachother can say everything that they loath and kept to themselves for so long. And break up? Owh that's genius. But if their love is strong enough they won't break up and eventually learn from each other's flaws and learn to accept their partners as who they are and not who they want them to be. Anyone can make up something up. Everyone can put something on their calendar like birthdays etc. but to be honest, i don;t give a fuck about some dead saint telling me when to embrace love.

And yesterday..i assume ... some religious organization were passing out these flyers containing infos on valentine's day and why should you not celebrate it. Some of the stuff that they put in are interesting facts but some are just crap. DOes hotels and condoms go on sale and have 50% discounts during valentines day? where do they got the idea that people will have sex on valentines day. Is it part of the celebration? you give flowers and candy and go out to dinner and have sex. what the? It was a good attempt and i really admire their ambition to help curb down pre-marraige sex but the approach .. boy ,... it's a joke ... literally a joke.

So go call your partner and give them flowers, chocolate and candy and tell them how you love them sincerely ..and do it not because some dead priest told you so ...

f r e e d o m

I was surfin and i stumbled upon a site called shoutwire.com or something. it's a forum site and the hot topic was the prhopet's cartoon. So as curious as a cat, i click on to see what's up.

And just as i thought there was this denmark dude sending out hate vibe through his posts. And like many ignorant person the posts were based solely on facts from CNN, Fox news and personal opinions. And I scrolled down and finally someone stood up for the muslims. And of course a clash of opinions almost always resulted in an argument.

So the posts were getting more intense with the word mullah and quran started popping out ... then ... the "f" word .. his mom sucking who's dads penis? and before i knowit... it turned into a schoolboy debate. Oh well .... so much for an intelectual debate.... but a bottom line has to be made. The final say. The last word. So they started dishing out facts and verses from the quran ... and facts from i dunno where ... history and shit ... and it became interesting ...if someone is going to win this debate they'll need proof and facts and that exactly what they did....ITs now the muslims versus the world...........

And there were a few views and facts from the qafir that would make a muslim like me choke without answer. And that alone scares me, and made me realize how lucky we muslims are living as the majority and not the minority. In other country people would come up to you and call u a terrorist for having a muslim name. Taunt at your religion and justify their action claiming its free speech. Make fun of your culture and your way of life. And it is hard to defend and stand your ground when your knowledge is limited. ARe you gonna stand and just take the punishment? Or are you gonna stand up and be counted? Stand by the principal... the backbone of your life ... the reason why you live... these days ... freedom fighters need more than just molotov cocktails, bombs, the spirit and AK-47 to gain freedom.

And believe me ..muslims isn't the one that needed liberation. CNN for example is biased in their report. And people feed off these reports and accept them as facts. This is really what's wrong here. The people who believe in CNN and some other biased form of media should open thier eyes and FREE their mind. These people need the liberation of the mind. That's what we should be fighting for. Its more psychology then we think.

The denmark guy exactly got that. He finally ran out of CNN facts and the muslim from egypt calmly and as cool as winter dish out facts and intelectual arguments that made people who debate as a way to vent out anger .....looks dumb.

But i can never see that happening when questions like "if islam is a peaceful religion then why is there bombings and terrorist acts everywhere?" keeps popping up.

It is mind boggling. Its conflicting. How can u associate peace with bombs and suicide. Islam don';t allow all of that. Terrorism are just cowardly ACTS of terror to provoke fear and force a solution. The consequences of these acts is far more devastating then what u see on tv. WTC 9-11. Yep its devastating. Yep its a statement from someone who is desperate for a solution. But what happen next? The muslims are potrayed as the villains by the media? Is there anyone to blame is them terrorists. They provided the chance and the media took that chance and they did quite well putting ideas into people heads about islam. And suddenly the world got this generalized idea about islam. Muslims are call uptight, sensitive etc.

The idea of terrorism should be kicked out before one even think about fighting for freedom. Terrorism is never an option. Freedom starts from the mind. Revolution starts from the mind. And the mind controls everything.

Yesterday I went outside
With my momma's mason jar
Caught a lovely Butterfly

When I woke up today
Looked in on my fairy pet
She had withered all away
No more sighing in her breast
I'm sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn't mean to do you harm
Everytime I pin down what I think I want
It slips away - the ghost slips away

I smell you on my hand for days
I can't wash away your scent
If I'm a dog then you're a bitch

I guess you're as real as me
Maybe I can live with that
Maybe I need fantasies
A life of chasing butterfly

I'm sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn't mean to do you harm
Everytime I pin down what I think I want
It slips away - the ghost slips away

I told you I would return
When the robin makes his nest
But I ain't never coming back
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I remembered once ...i did pretty good singing while playing the song on the guitar a very long time ago. Its kinda cool playing an acoustic song but then alterit and improvised with drums and distortion. Sang my heart out. I love doing something till my heart is out.

Hope i can do that again someday and perhaps do it forever.

And weezer's is one band that i can never have enough of. but their new album blows. oh well. weeeweeezaaahhh!!!

yack yack yack ..what else?

yesterday ...before sunset was screened on astro. I love how the characters draws you into their conversation. Its almost like you are eavesdropping and listening to someone elses conversation. [hafdzuan is a bum]

And i am so into the whole reality thingy. Especially when it involves debates and ideas exchanging over small things to things that is vital in life. [nerdy self obssesed remark]

the plot? there is no plot. Its just a movie about how a day with someone could probably effect someone's life and how it made quite a significant impact on a person that is so appealing to me. [interpertation]

Both celine and jessie are having these difficulties regarding relationships after their one night together on some euro town (refer before sunrise). Jessie unfortunately gives up on the idea of love after celine totally stood him up. They promised to meet at Vienna exactly 6 months from that night and maybe hook up again but unfortunately celine's grandma death came at a bad time and she couldn't make it. [interpretation]

celine on the other hand couldn't top the ecstassy and the way she felt that night with any other guy she's been with. In a way ... she was hurt emotionally coz she couldn't have a guy make her feel like she felt on that night. [interpretation]

The movie questions day to day decisions that we make and how those decision could effect the life ahead of us. But one thing is for sure, love isn;t an option. You can;t choose to fall in love or choose who you would want to fall in love with. we don't even know what is the true concept of love. What's your definition of love. what does it mean? a guy loves a woman? is it sexual? guy + woman = sexual? is it JUST some sort of a psychology thing that we cannot control to makes us feel good to be wanted? How do you as a person justify you are in love? Is it the sacrifice? the whole notion of being together all the time. REspect? Can love stop divorces? Can it stop guys from scouting girls? Love seems adiabatic in songs and movies. It's always i love you and i would die for you. would ya? [way off the mark]

The matter is so subjective and celine ....together with jessie made it so clear that it is. It's just something you would one day question whether you are single or attached. [wild random guess]

Different people place varying degrees of importance on the kinds of love they receive. Love is essentially an abstract concept, easier to experience than to explain. [copy paste]

And also how they talked about dreams and shit. That is so true. Pursuing something doesn't mean you will always get it no matter how hard you try. Once you realize that, you will throw away the thought of pursuing dreams and just take the quiet comfortable certain life where there are no or little risks involve. But without dreams, doing something seems so "survival". Everything we do seems to serve as some sort of a way to maintain survival in this world. School, jobs bla bla ... that's all tools to survive if you ask me. Knowledge? Wisdom? Passion? In a system that i know ...these words are just words. These words should be principals in doing something. [opinion]

And the ending is just danggling for anyone to figure out. Coz life has a danggling ending i guess. That's just my interpretation. [opinion]

But, what i fear is almost certainly would happen, as i am part of the system. And no hero can fight it. [fact]

So lets go do our thing and survive. [opinion]

Get a job that pays mohd hafdzuan! Watching astro and blogging isn;t exactly a profitable job. [fact]

to hell with time

As of today, i can drive like an asshole legally. But the actual license is currently in process so i have to ...arghhh.... WAIT!

I arrived at where the test is taking place around 8.40 am and i head straight to the counter for registration. Then I have to endure 4 hours of waiting, holding my piss and anxiety to finally get called upon and go through the whole test .. again.

I couldn't believe i've waited for that long.

I hate waiting especially if you don't have something amusing or entertaining to make the wait worthwhile. I should've borrowed someone's NgageQD for the day. Anyway, they gave this number and all i did during the whole waiting period is listen for my number to be called upon and look at cute and sexy chicks. An hour passed..then another hour .. .the third hour i gave up waiting. But the chick surveying still goes on ...strong. :)

It was hot and annoying, i was hungry and needed to piss but i can't leave coz the risk of the JPJ dudes calling my number. So there i was waiting, looking at people getting picked and cursed at how lucky they are getting selected so early.

Adreneline was pumped throughout my veins as early as 9 am and everytime they call out a number my body would generate more of these hormones and by 11 am... I've wasted a gland full of adrenaline. I felt weak, hopeless and i hate myself for failing the test weeks before. How the hell can i do the test now feeling so shitty physically and mentally?

I was as energetic as a dead cold fish, hungry and it shows . I know i have this face when i'm hungry. I'd put on a grumpy face. Hunger + waiting + tests = bitch. But i can;t get grumpy in front of the JPJ officer and somehow i just said to myself just go on with it. WHatever happens happens. I'm here and let's get through this. And then... the JPJ dude talked to me...and asked me how i'd failed last time and i told him the lines on the road fucked me up and then suddenly he asked me to make a turn and said we don;t need to do this. We don;t have enough time. And i went through everything like a basketcase on speed. He told me to just go over the 30km/h limit... and i did that. And i forgot everything.. and i just let my Need for speed most wanted instinct kick in and then i'm done. It's over. i passed.

I was like ..how? i did worse then before. how the hell can a government officer became so friendly? Then summing it all together .. i made a rather interesting conclusion.

The wait was a blessing in disguise. One thing about people that i know for sure is that .. people hate to wait. WE hate being bored. ANd this also applies to the JPJ officers. They have to do the same thing over and over and over again and i know it's boring. And when they're hot and hungry they just wan't to get it overwith. .. . I guess him taking pity on me coz i failed and looked hopeless .......and, him being hot in that little car with an empty stomach gave him a reason that came from the gut to just let me pass. The kinda thing you would do when an elder seems in need of help and you instinctly just lend him a hand. It was chemistry. I got 18/20 and i know i don;t deserve it. But he wasn't concentrating on me. He was concentrating on getting his job done. And i was lucky he made that call.

So i got outta the car and with the test marks slip in my hand .... i observe the proof of this miracle that i have just experienced. But i forgot to thank God,...... so on the way back while reading the slip ... i hit my head on an Air cond unit and everyone who was waiting for their turn laughed ...and i was like ...smiling back at them as if i was an innocent nude boy on the beach.

Taking the driving test is a once in a lifetime experience but in my case .. it's a twice in a lifetime experience but i'm loving it ....

How do you feel?

Mohammad cartoon row sparks backlash

Thursday February 2, 12:54 PM

PARIS (Reuters) - An international row over newspaper cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad gathered pace on Thursday as more European dailies printed controversial Danish caricatures and Muslims stepped up pressure to stop them.

About a dozen Palestinian gunmen surrounded European Union offices in the Gaza Strip demanding an apology for the cartoons, one of which shows Islam's founder wearing a bomb-shaped turban. Muslims consider any images of Mohammad to be blasphemous.

The owner of France Soir, a Paris daily that reprinted them on Wednesday along with one German and two Spanish papers, sacked its managing editor to show "a strong sign of respect for the beliefs and intimate convictions of every individual".

But the tabloid staunchly defended its right to print the cartoons. Le Temps in Geneva and Budapest's Magyar Hirlap ran another offending cartoon showing an imam telling suicide bombers to stop because Heaven had run out of virgins to reward them.

Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen said the issue had gone beyond a row between Copenhagen and the Muslim world and now centred on Western free speech versus taboos in Islam, which is now the second religion in many European countries.

"We are talking about an issue with fundamental significance to how democracies work," Rasmussen told the Copenhagen daily Politiken. "One can safely say it is now an even bigger issue."

The clash has commercial repercussions. Danish companies have reported sales falling in the Middle East after protests against the cartoons in the Arab world and calls for boycotts.

SCATHING ARAB REACTION

Reaction in Middle East countries has been scathing.

"In the West, one discovers there are different moral ceilings and all moral parameters and measures are not equal," wrote the pan-Arab daily Asharq al-Awsat.

"If the Danish cartoon had been about a Jewish rabbi, it would never have been published."

Saudi Interior Minister Prince Nayef said Riyadh considered the cartoons an insult to Mohammad and all Muslims. "We hope that religious centres like the Vatican will clarify their opinion in this respect," he told the state news agency SPA.

In Beirut, the leader of Lebanon's Shi'ite Hizbollah said the row would never had occurred if a 17-year-old death edict against writer Salman Rushdie been carried out.

"Had a Muslim carried out Imam Khomeini's fatwa against the apostate Salman Rushdie, then those lowlifers would not have dared discredit the Prophet, not in Denmark, Norway or France," Hizbollah head Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah said on Wednesday night.

The late Iranian leader Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini called on Muslims in 1989 to kill Rushdie for blasphemy against Islam in his book "The Satanic Verses". Rushdie went into hiding and was never attacked.

Saudi Arabia, the birthplace of Mohammad, and Syria have recalled their ambassadors to Denmark.

FRANCE SOIR'S SELF-DEFENCE

Defending its decision to publish the cartoons, France Soir wrote: "Imagine a society that added up all the prohibitions of different religions. What would remain of the freedom to think, to speak and even to come and go?

"We know societies like that all too well. The Iran of the mullahs, for example. But yesterday, it was the France of the Inquisitions, the burning stakes and the Saint Bartholomew's Day (massacre of Protestants)."

Other European dailies printed cartoons mocking the row. Le Monde in Paris ran a sketch of a man whose beard and turban were made up of lines saying "I must not draw Mohammad".

Jyllands-Posten has apologised for any hurt the caricatures may have caused, but police said the paper's offices in Aarhus were evacuated on Wednesday evening for the second time in two days after a bomb threat. Workers returned after the all-clear.

Denmark says it cannot tell free media what to do.

Danish police said on Wednesday they had told the country's imams they were "highly aware of the risks of an escalation of the case, including the calls to burn the Koran, which these days flourish on the Internet and via SMS (phone messages)".

Hole-liday

Holiday is great isn't it? you get to sleep late, wake up late of course and just do nothing. Wait a minute, that's my life.

Doing nothing is great until it gets boring and you feel like you just need a little challenge. A little responsibility. Maybe a trip to the post office? Pay the bills? That's enough excitement for one day.

But boy do you have time to reflect on everything. If you have an anxious disorder like i do, when you reflect, you worry. When you worry you get anxious and you just want a way to stop the worries and the paranoia and shit. And if i was an addict i wouldn't need no other way for a cure.

For those who work and study, this holiday is probably a great one. Its a public holiday pile up. Chinese new year + awal muharaam + hari wilayah+ to hell with friday eh?.

Why not get on a bus and go somewhere?

Too bad going on a trip in malaysia costs a lot of money. There is no cheap option in travelling. Transpotation will cost you, accomodation will cost you also. Food bla bla. They're expensive. Its a sad thing for malaysian coz we can't even visit our very own places of interest especially islands coz the rate favour foreign tourists. Maybe because they bring in more money than domestic travellers. But thats just so fucked. It's like KLCC's toilet. They don't have a fucking faucet. They got rolls of toilet paper but no faucet. Oh wait...the faucet is situated inside the toilet. That is sick. I hate these double standards places where they treat foreigners as they are kings and queens. They care for a bunch of whiteys rahter than the 100000 millions of malaysians that need faucets.

Why? Because we were under the brits rule before indipendence. We are used to having whiteys telling us what to do. We use their system. Til this day. Whiteys are the more superior race then us because we let them be. That's just my opinion. Don;t get me wrong...I love everyone. I'm all for peace but i really despise those who look down on their own race and country. Don;t bring nationalism into this.

KLCC will never ever potray malaysia. It only potrays someone's dream FOR malaysia. It's a landmark to put malaysia on the map [period]. It has no sense of nationalisme whatsoever. I can never see why we should be proud of a tall building where most malaysians are down under it loitering. It is a majestic building. It takes my breath away everytime i see it. But still.... i can't see the KLCC in relation to its people. Does it mean we are a free and rich country. Is it a symbol of wealth? The stores are mostly boutiques. I can't afford nothing there. The movies are always full of people. The park? Teenagers, smoking and doing nothing.

If malaysia wins the world cup.... now that is something i can be proud of. 11 home bred malaysians kicking brasils, italians,frances ass and going on to win the word cup. Now that... i can relate.

If a bunch of kids from pahang who would grow up making such beautiful hypnotizing music where they would have concerts around the world? now that i can relate.

If a malaysian can stop the war. Now that i can really relate.

If we made our own car not to be smashed later in some sick car show and win a F1 thingy. that i can relate.

But so far..... we just have to be happy with a tall building. And nicol David. That is what malaysia can offer.

Malaysia is a beautiful country. Its really sad if we can;t explore malaysia while we can because of a limited amount of money. The government must do some thing about this. The tourism board should have somekind of rate for malaysians so we can afford a vacation to these beautiful places.

But somehow, its complicated. It is always complicated!!!. Everything in malaysia is complicated. Registering a subject at the faculty is complicated despite of those fancy state of the art computerize synchronization system they put up. There is so much fuss when dealing with the governemnt. Someone have to bitch to a tv station before having their problems fixed.
You have to fill out forms. You gotta have the formal letter. I have never heard of one people in my life who don;t complain about any one system being used. Systems have flaws. Flaws are there and meant to serve as a stepping stone for a better system. It seems they rather have us jsut go along with the flaws and the loophole in the system. And you wonder why people bribe?

Boarden our mind. Break free from the enclosure. Next time when you visit KLCC touch the thing and sorta ask yourself .... Malaysia boleh.... Kan?

Gizmo and gadgets: Low Yatt

My dad finally went out and bought a laptop for my bro at low yatt. I was out browsing at acers and asuses and Hp's dells etc .. and my dad and me finally land a compaq presario. It cost about 3600. And while i was there i couldn;t help but notice all the gizmos and gadgets being displayed. Oh boy, everytime i go to low yatt there is always something new. The computers are so far out with lotsa new shit. I think if you buy a computer at low yatt, it will be outdated seconds later.

And seeing how the chinese do business is really amazing. No disrespect to malays or indians but chinese are really at the forefront of businesses. When they do business they mean business. Its Chinese new year is tomorrow but they are still doing business only to shut their operation down at 3PM. And they really try hard to help you make a decision. I hate it when you are clueless and in need of help and somehow you are ignored or they look at you like you don;t have money.

And to business owner don;t look like you are desperate for money. Don;t push people into buying. Try and help us consumers make our minds up. For heaven sake, buying a computer is a fucking investment. Constant persuasion will only make buyers distance themselves.

But low yatt is still and always festive. Its like an indoor pasar malam selling thousand ringgit worth of computer stuff. I like it. I see girls going there (maybe the ptptn got something to do wit it) and getting themselves a laptop. And they don;t need boys to tag along with them coz making a decision and asking about stuff is really welcome at low yatt. MAybe i only sratch the surface of low yatt. I dunno the dark side of low yatt. Maybe there is cases like those i heard at petaling street. U know..... chinese gangs and triad and stuff. WHo knows?

Arsenal is playing bolton today. And they have injuries and some shit about resting key players. I hope they don't get murdered or worse slaughtered by bolton today.

On a sour note, star jobs really dissapoint me. There are no recent post that suit my qualifications. Oh well.

Ok...i;m going to watch season 1 of seinfeld. bye ....

hero

I'm downloading king kong. And i am not that much of a pro-hero kind of guy. Especially a hero with lotsa fur, nude with fangs. MAybe a hero is a teacher or someone like coach carter who really don't take credit doing smoething good. Anyway king kong is just a big big big ape.

Growing up, heroes are suppose to be cool. My first ever hero, michael jackson. Just because he can dance. The first ever musical icon that really influence me and made me look like a dancing fool when i was a kid. There was this indonesian kid named gali abangga or something who would buy anything related to MJ and i would come over to his house and be amazed. Now, Mj who was once my hero is now a free but once accused child molester. hurm.

beside having a child molester who can dance as a hero i bet almost all the kids in malaysia loves heroes who can kick ass. Who am i talking about? John Rambo, ARnold Schwarzenigeegerrereg and maybe gaban/suria perkasa hitam etc...Muscles, knife, guns, one-man-ass kicking fiesta and outrageous vehicle. Any kid who hasn't got involved in porn would go crazy for these things if they are screened on TV.

And later i would go for a real life hero who really made it big. MJ!..... NOt the child molester but the rich and famous michael jordan. He was like the idol of everyone in USA. HE was a real hero because he really won games by himself. If there was no one like him in the NBA i would probably not start playing bball. He was a kid's dream. But today, kids look up to skip and hot sauce and all the and 1 mixtape's playa. Oh well. Who need team work when you can dribble all the way to the hoop and make it count.

AFter a while i kinda look up to people like DR. M as heroes or anyone who really influence lotsa people like teachers etc. They're not famous or doesn't really contribute that much but at least they made an impact on me. And that is always the first thing a hero should do to you. MAke an impact.

But a hero really don't do good in real life. Coz that don't work in real life. U can't go all the way to the hoop all the time. Teachers can't make everybody sit and study. Dads can't always make sure his sons are 100% innocent. A great prime minister can't share his vision to the population. It can't be that ideal. Can it? Micahel Jackson was someone who i once considered a hero but i never knew the fact that his dad literally force him into singing and shit. And MJ?...The coach who led him to all the glory was P. JAckson. now head coach for the LA lakers. Who is now coaching kobe on how to be a goal-scoring hero i bet.

So i think there are heroes in this world. And they can't be heroes by themselves. They just can't. Unless you are big nude ape.

there is nothing actually

There is a lot to look out for in life. We want success, a good job, a nice life, a peaceful place where we can settle down and protect the things that we worked hard for. And we always thought that these things will bring happiness to our life. But maybe its not our script after all. And you realize happiness means having nothing attached. Getting everything done. Facing death well prepared. Then, silence.

A heart that's full up like a landfill,

a job that slowly kills you,
bruises that won't heal.
You look so tired-unhappy,
bring down the government,
they don't, they don't speak for us.
I'll take a quiet life,
a handshake of carbon monoxide,

with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
Silent silence.

This is my final fit,
my final bellyache,

with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises please.

Such a pretty house
and such a pretty garden.

No alarms and no surprises,
(Get me outta here)
no alarms and no surprises,
(Get me outta here)
no alarms and no surprises
(Get me outta here) please.

hope->try->fail->try->fail->try->fail->hopeless

This song really remind me of times that i tried real hard. But i was afraid of failure. Afraid that it wouldn't work out. But i want it so bad that i just went along with it. I dreamt about it so much. I really took it by heart and it was good for a while. Then suddenly it was the worst that came through and i realize that hoping for something and working hard for something really makes you feel fucked when you fail. Therefore don't wish anyone good luck cause i think it leads to bad luck. Try and try and try again until you're hopeless. go figure!

There is a place I’d love to go
Strangers takin’ me there
I dream about the day I learn to fly

I’m afraid of aeroplanes
Even though I act the way
That it feels to be a person in the sky

It’s alright
And it’s good
This time

I look out and on the ground
Really don’t believe it
Gravity can pull me from this height

One day we’ll come crashing down
What will I do
Never had a chance to say goodbye

Close my eyes and hope that it’s
A real smooth flight
This time
Close my eyes and hope that it’s
A real smooth flight

And it’s good
This time

I look down and on the ground
I look down and on the ground
I look down and on the ground
I look out, we’re going down

Foo fighters - A320

wishing you a prosperous and happy chinese new year

The chinese new year is next week. So i bet everyone working or studying would be happy to have some time off from whatever their doing.

I'm done with Curb your enthusiasm..finally. Larry david is one funny bald jew.



ARsenal lost to high flying promoted side wigan last night..(morning actually) by the away goals rule. So that sucked. It was a last minute goal that made the score 2-1. which means the aggregate was tied to 2-2 since wigan scored on the first leg. And today there was this thing on the sport section of the star which mentioned that thierry henry already made a verbal agreement to join barcelona in july. What the fuck? verbal agreement? He's negotiating with arsenal right now and he said its not about the money. Its about the club (arsenal) willingness to spend and bringing in more players and winning cups. I think arsenal won't be winning any cups anytime soon. Since he's 29 i think arsenal should sell. I think wenger is rebuilding arsenal and the team is in a transition to be again a big club. With the stadium and all. anyway... hope they get that vital automatic champions league spot.

dear failure,

ARsenal lost 1 - 0 to everton. And the jinx kept spreading and spreading and it spreads eventually to me.

I ... failed one part of my driving test. The road part ....not the parking shit part. I fucked and i failed. Its weird tho being a dude and failed. I mean all the other dudes successfully evade humility and manage to save money and time by passing both part. And they're all like trying to avoid making contact with me as if i have this failure disease. Maybe they thought i was so pissed and they don't wanna make me feel bad by telling me they passed and asking me how i did. But i was actually humbled and humiliated by the failure. Felt like a loser while waiting for the other part of the test and i know that it wont suck so much waiting if i passed the 1st part of the test. So this other guy eventually came up and talked to me. And i just try my best to make my side of the story looked like its not my fault and told him the road fucked me up. My very own failure theory....It is always my fault.

I was the only male failure of the entire driving school. The others are some desperate housewives, some just physically and technically incapable of driving and some just fucked up. And i was so ashamed that i was the only guy amongst the women who failed. It was so i dunno..... embarassing. Hahahaa. Well so what? i'll nail the test next time out. I just have to add sugar and swallow it like a man and hope the bitter taste of failure wont affect me next time.

But it was a sweet day for kobe yesterday coz he scored 81 points in a single game. How the fuck can a human being do such a thing in a basketball game? amazing. IT was crazy.

Hahaha...certainly i won't take my failure as if it is the end of the world but it sure ended my day and maybe the rest of the weekend. coffee!

clutch and all

Did anybody see the lakers versus the kings? how bout kobe huh? how can he score like 40+ and the kings still manage to walk away with a victory. Miller's buzzer beater to put the socre level really was something out of a comic. I love buzzer beaters. Especially those that ties a game.

Today's driving lesson invloves me driving in some highway near hospital putrajaya and i went as afar as balakong or puchong or something and ended up somewhere near the traffic light junction that lead to nizam nuri's house. chinatown i think is waht they call it. Anyhow .. highway is fun .. i get to use the 4th gear and the instructor was constantly snoozing so i did have a blast driving fast. 60km/h top. Gimme a break, that's fast for a kancil man. Next week i'll be having a pre-test before the actual test. I'm not too worried about it. I think anybody except anybody can drive. It's easy to be a driver but it ain't easy to be a good driver. I think malaysia has a hig rate of mortality, accidents road bully junk-driver etc. due to the system that produces these drivers. Myself included. As long as i'm not driven by speed or any substance that could influence my driving i'll be fine. Anyone can drive. But no one is a good driver.

My 125z needs a new tyre. It has this tear on its side and i think the tear will eventually cause my tyre to burst. The dude that replaced my tube said "awak kene tukar secepat mungkin" and i was like"tikar tube jer la dulu". SO that sucked. I don't want to be riding and suddenly bom! blood and all. No way. So i'm gonna ask dear daddy for financial support.

Congratulation to farah on her first interview. Go get em tiger!

Tomorrow i'll be at KL convention centre for a 3 on 3 game..hopefully gamessss. It start at 8am so i think its better i get there by motorcycle so i wont be late? LRT is also a good option but ... i dunno ... Wanna come and be the pom pom guy/gal?

mom's home. Oh man.... she don't bring no snack home. I'm hungry. GOtta go. Basketbol!!!!!!

call of duty

Ahhhh... still jobless. Was browsing at mines today looking at stuff. Wafi wanted socks. So i decided to tag along and just browse around. And at the BATA store there was this nifty slipper where the design was made by aceh kids. Yep .. the slippers sorta have this tsunami theme ... i think i'm gonna go get it. It's so cute and ... cool. Thought about getting some cheap jogging / cross-training shoes for basketball and jogging. I pity those who doesn't care about their body and take their health for granted. Hahaha. I'm trying hard to not be a typical fat malaysian. Our body is a temple ..... or something like that. Seriously.... when i get old i dun want to walk around or travel with any health restrictions or complications. Yep .. when i'm old i'll just travel and take lotsa pictures or just simply walk around buying souveniers.

Back on earth.

Ahhhh... still jobless.

Next week there is this 3 on 3 streetball thingy at KLCC. Wow.... i haven't been involved in a 3 on 3 comp for a couple of years. Ahhh... basketball .... that's the thing i want to still be doing when i'm old. Maybe get a coaching job somewhere.

Ahhhhh.. still jobless.

I've always wanted a drumkit. I am fascinated by the drums eversince i played the drums. It's the most satisfying instrument ever. Maybe when i can afford it i'll get one. I'll never stop drumming. Maybe i'll join my brother;s band. Afterall.. they need a drummer and i am in need of drumming.

SO what are YOU gonna do when you're old?

sarbat juice taste like ants

I've never felt like a fucking jerk ever. Well not for a very long time. But today when i was in the LRT i kinda gave this retard a "look". ANd the kid just shy his face away from me and i felt terrible. I tell you i should've apologize or something. It was not my intention to give him this "look". Its u know my flaw. It's this thing i cannot control and i think it's one of many factors that is affecting my social mingling process. I have this surprise look thingy that i do when i see something weird or surprising. u know like, u see a retard or ur friend taking drugs in front of you... shooting coke or marijuana in his body. The "look" is a result of my brain .... processing and collecting all the data, and it could not compute a suitable "look" for a given occasion and hence the "look". I know i was rude. The "look" is sorta a mixture of pity + judging + ridiculing + glad that u are not one of them look. The "look" is cruel. I am cruel and i hate myself for giving him the look.

But his mom was even more cruel cause she won't like ..... want to be near him. Well, I was looking from a safe distance and making my own assumptions. But i think his mom should u know .... tuck him between her arms coz it sucks when people stare at you. Oh fuck ...it sucks!!!. Especially when your flaw is dangling for people to see. Its paranoia taken to a whole new level.

When i look at e-mails containing graphic scenes of people getting their head chopped off or u know those terrorists short .wmv file movie that shows a hostage getting slaughtered or a terrible accident or any other graphic images or video..... i don't give a crap. It's just death. I mean shit happens. I mean death is like .. destiny. U can't do nothing about it. But when i was watching bersamamu i was like " damn it, why?!!!" i can't watch this shit. It's like oh man ... it's sad and it's so real ..... the show really makes u feel humble. Feel arghh ... i don't know ... and i would have the "look"the whole time while i am watching the show. I could only stand minutes before i switch channels.

I think it's only human to feel shitty if you cannot do something about something that really needed to be done something about. What the fuck am i saying? An example. U see a motorist having problems with his/her car whatever and u thought about helping. And your brain is like having a courtesy VS selffish-needs conflict wheteher tu pull over and help or get home ASAP so u can play basketball etc. And after u passed by... u feel like ... shit i could've done something. And the window of opportunity to help was slammed shut when u passed by him/her. And u'd feel shitty for the very least seconds before .... poof! back to your little world where everything is in order and no one is in no need of help. Just to make everything feel allright you'd go ... "oh she's fine .. someone will come by and help her " .. or .. "it's nothing ...". I dunno ... But that feeling sucks. I'm wondering if superman feels the same way? He can't save everybody .. can he?

The thing about us people is that in someway we feel comfortable in our own spaces. With Our own click and our own problem .. our own timeline until that we don't give a crap about nothing else ... other than those who actually relate to our space. It's like friends, family, someone u know and then ... that's it. That's as far as we would go to help. I think most people are..like that. I think i'm like that ... a little selfish ... insecure. .. and giving the"look" is not making things better ...

I can't think of 50 things i should really care about .... maybe ten ... or 15 but not 50 .. and that .. makes me a jerk ... ... today ... tomorrow this jerkish hangover would go away and everyting will be better ...

whatever .. i'm watching homegrown ...

I tried and i said " at least i tried" (not enough)

Well jobhunting was fun and erm... u know... exciting at first. But then, it started to get a little frustrating when reality start to have its grips on you. Its hard to get a job. That's the reality. Not with a 2nd class lower CPA. Not with no portfolio or anything that is credible to show for.

And employers in Jobstreet really doesn't care about me. My application didn't turn in any respond. The least they can do is say that i don't deserve their attention or something nicer. It's like i'm hopelessly waiting. Is it a yes or a no. It feels like when you are waiting for a bus for like hours and you want to just give up on waiting and take a cab eventhough it cost a lot more. But then you're like .... oh maybe 15 mins more .... and then the bus still didn't show up. And when it finally did... it's no use. You already missed the appoinment coz the bus is late. whatever. the bottom line is waiting for an answer sucks. hell ... waiting alone sucks. b ut i try to be patient. I can't expect i'm the michael jordan of the engineering industry where every company in malaysia wants at least a piece of me if not whole.

but jobhunting is an experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Maybe for a job. :)

Another experience that no one can forget is driving. Maybe you won't agree with me and say riding a bike or a motorbike. but that's childplay. Driving A car is the ultimate adult coolness thing that a kid could ever want. Until u realize the traffic jams, and the petrol is costing u a fortune that is. Anyway, my driving lessons is coming along fine. And i realize, people need a little push. Everyone does.

My driving instructor is always pushing me to .... u know ....do this perfect shift thingy with the gears. And i'm like .. dude, it's just the gear. Signal ... bla bla bla. But then i remembered how most of my friends would drive like they could insert a coin and have another go again. And how i wanted to be like that. So i just said to myself, learn the basics then drive like hell. So learn i did. The whole 3 point turn thingy, the mountain thingy but maybe tomorrow i'd do the parking. It's fun, driving. I don't want to fail and go through it again.

Finally finished downloading curb your enthusiasm season 1 - 5. I'm burning it into a DVD disc. This series is worth the hassle.

Got a basketball friendly this sunday. The basketball team that i'm currently on is called lil' pony. Sorta like hip hop meets carebear. Gangsta rap meets siti nurhaliza. lil' pony. That's whacked dude. I'm not arguing since it's not my team and what's in a name anyway? It's the team that counts. It would be cool if a pony kick ass wouldn't it. i hope ass kicking we will do.

The raya haji just passed. I was late so i missed the prayer. that sucked. well, that's all i have to say. Til later. sweet dreams.

Reference

Everyone has a dream. But none would like to be called a dreamer. To malays dreaming doesn't lead you anywhere. But following everyone else doesn't either. It only leads to a destination that you not by choice or by choice wanted to be. But dreaming, if you work on it, leads you where you want to "live". It made quotes like "live your dream" seems so true.

We all dream. The problem is we don't give ourselves much credit towards what we are dreaming about. It's always stupid to think about things that will never happen. Never? To me there's never a dream that don't come true, only dreams that was only dreamt but never got a chance to turn into reality . A dream should serve as a motivator. A dream is not an empty thought. It's an idea of a life worth living. A dream is only a dream when you say them but, life , if you live them.

One great thing about being young and healthy is the fact that there is this priceless thing we youths have which is called enthusiasm. It is driven by many factors. It is best driven by a dream. I know one day enthusiasm will be driven by obligations. By comitments. When that day come, i know once i had a dream. Once i thought of something so real that i could see it in front of my eyes. Once i wrote something about living a dream but i haven't got the balls to live them.

And i would give anything to have youthful energetic enthusasim on my side again.

I hope i get to where i want to be. The place where i always bitch about. The place where i dream of living. The dream.

Hmm, how about a bad dream? I don;t want to live in a bad dream. Can i do something about it. Of course. But how. You identify the source. wich is Fear. Fear kills hope. Fear serve as a wall between your dream and your reality. Those wall must go down. There would always be hope and you can bet fear always tag along. A good life is where dreams and reality co-exist to form a serentiy and a peace of mind where nothing limits you.

Enthusiasm is best driven by a dream. Fear is best driven by risks. Victory means conquering your fear. you can lose but win at the same time. You lost if you give up. losing is improving. Failing doesn't mean your inadequate. But knowing that you can win but you didn't because you don't do good enough hurts the most. And to conquer your fear you have to take risk. In fact, to live we take risks. I've taken risks and i've not taken risks. Those that i didn't take led me to regret. Questions like what ifs started to pop. I've got nothing to lose to start with. Why wasn't we taught risk taking at school?
Why are we so passive and dead? Why do we feel insecure and scared. Taking risk is a good exercise. It helps you get through life faster. Calculated risks of course.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 5 years? 1 year? 6 months from now? i know i'm no better then yesterday. And tomorrow will be no better. Choices are always there to be made. But i avoid choices. I thought gave up on nothing when there was something to strive for. That's the worst thing ever that could invade my mind. giving up.

I hate that my mind feels so confined where i could only dream of things. I hate the fact that life is a plastic mould that someone thought would be good for me. I hate the fact that i'm gonna live that life and be happy with it only to wake up 4 am in the morning thinking could i do better? I hate feeling locked up because i'm scared to take risk. I want liberation of the mind. I want to be shown the way.

I see what i want. But i can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can only dream of tasting it. I have it firmly in my grasps. But i can't feel it .sadly. damn it. How long can i lead this dream before it turned to a false sense of hope. give up now. Stop now. Stop now. Stop now.

It's easy. You are already free. Not making choices is freedom. Following is normal. Normal is what people are thriving for. Life is suppose to be average. Don't dream of what you can't afford. Dreaming is great until you wake up. You're lucky to be living in a system where to live you only have to follow. Why think? Just act. You have no choice. You have no options. Nothing good will happen to you if you dream. Hope is dangerous. Hope kills. Fear is normal. Being scared is normal. It's only human to avoid risk. AVoiding risk for your own safety. ENthusiastic about life doesn't mean you should neglect the facts of reality. Dreaming is a symptom of insecurity. Inadequacy only happens to those who knows but nevertheless tried and then failed. You don't have to dream. It stops here. DOn't fight it. It's easy. It's not wrong. Everyone is doing it. You don't have to struggle. You'll sleep soundly. soundly.

Wake up from your dream.

plastic life

last time out, i went to KLCC. Of course any ass would know those big twin towers in the heart of KL. I've been using the towers as lomo subjects many times. Anyway, i went with arip. We were on this road that really not many cars was on and it was sunday! Anyway, i got a glimpse of the towers from the front and i kinda got this full image of the towers and it's simply majestic. Got to parking and off meeting friends and stuff. Anyway, i was walking and browsing looking at stuff i need and want and they all seems to cost so much money. I have money in the bank but i got a basketball game and that will cost me, and i spent like almost everyday snooking. And i better start my driving lessons before my money runs out. Boy am i glad i don't smoke.

I hope i would get a job by february coz being broke sucks man. And this time around i'm dreaming and i still am about goin to mabul. arip was there when he was outstation, and he said it was great. and by looking at pictures of the island. damn it! it's so awesome. But everything, i mean everything has it price. Even KLCC's toilet cost RM2. I mean what the fuck? Do they substitute water with coke in there? Or have this cool toilet that you can just lay your ass and these toilet will massage your back and after you done shitting a butler would come and wipe your ass? I'm not paying RM2 to shit.

Being jobless made me so anxious. Anxious about working. Whenever i hear about people getting interviewed or someone landing some major job, i would get anxious. Coz recently my pal told me that the ministry of education would terminate the contract that paid me the studying fees. Which means that i cannot pursue the masters degree since there's no more contract. but on the upside i don't have to pay the ministry back. Unlike PTPTN, it's a loan. But it's just a rumor. ANyway, that would mean no guarantee of me studying again, which led me to the source of my anxiousness of not getting a job. No job no money. And without money, nothing goes.

Being jobless also turned me into a bum. I would wake up late, i mean relly late and then i would play NFS for hours and off to basketball. And i'm through with NFS so to avoid boredom i downloaded curb your enthusiasm. LIFESAVER! This series i tell you is in its own league. FUnny as hell. Funny is only half of it. The series sorta made me look at small insignificant things from different perspectives. It's in its 5th season now so i better start downloading.

ARsenal is playing MAN U this wednesday. Early in the morning. I started telling my MU supporting frens that ARsenal is gonna kick MU ass. Taunting and teasing their club is fun. I might as well talk trash now coz after the game i thinkMAN U would have the bragging rights. But they're playing at highbury and that is a reason to be optimistic. Well, if i ignore the fact that chelsea won 2-0 at highbury. go gunner.

So urm, how bout 2006? hope your're riding yours ... anxious free.

EAT DUST MAN U!

new year's eve

i was watching the NBA while surfing the internet when a bunch of religious driven people rang my housebell and started preaching sort of. ASking me to come along and join their program tonight.
It stopped my ecstassy.

These tabligh are mostly the source of uncomfort for those with a busy schedule or those with important things to do... well i bet 90% of them really excuse themselves and their time because we don't want people telling us we're bad people. we already know that. And when faced with these people who really wanted to help we feel insecure and suddenly we panic.

Owh faith. How mom and dad would love seeing us being spiritual and all. But the truth is we are so worked up with our problems that we tend to forgot. I would like to think that we sometime forgot. WE believe, we are not faithless and by far, faith has kept us bound from doing anything wrong.
Well Almost.

And a wakeup call for something like this is rather unexpected when you're hoping for someone to take you out celebrating new year tonight. It really got my brain cranking and change was the way to go at that time. I mean, i can't disagree to everything the dude says because its the truth. It's something that you don't say no or try to start a debate over who's right. They're always right. But my brain was trained to come up with an excuse when this sort of situation happen. And i always ... come up with a beautiful excuse.

Gotta play mr. guard-the-house coz mom and dad are out. What a good boy. I make my self sick sometime. But, you know you gotta drop it like it's hot.

So arsenal, 8.40pm, i'll be glued in front of the TV..... you know it. I do feel terrible and i hope i'd change. But hey, at least i answered when they rang instead of just staying quiet as if no one's home.

you know who you are :)

xxx-mas

merry christmas to all christians, i don't have that many christian friends, hmm.

anyway 2006 is just days ahead, and it's been a good year. And if there was an assesment on life, i would probably say i progressed. At least a little. i finished studying. that's a big progress.

but i'm sad to see some are still struggling, still clueless about themselves. Yes, we human tend to be ignorant. It's human nature. It's not deliberate. It's easier to just let things go rotten as long as YOU are fine. It's much better pleasing YOU then anyone else. It's easier to disagree on things you don't like rather then TRYING to understand it. It's easier to hide your flaws then to change it. IT's easy for YOU to ignore but it's sure as hell isn't easy for people who have taken a good beating on the matter to notice.

when we're growing up and entering these new phase that almost all early 20's kids will, we can't afford to shut our eyes to the harsh reality. i'm more insecure then ever. But i'm glad the delusion of people judging me all the time is slowly fading away. I guess i just don't care anymore. There are many things that needed sorting out. So when i meet, i'll greet. It's as simple as that.

once, when we're kids and innocent there's never this much options. They're either tora-tora or ding-dang. go to school or not. But now, the consequences of our actions go deeper than we ever imagine. It will fuck the next 20-30 years of our lives. But it can also make our life better. Options that could affect the lives of many. Options that could hurt. And you gotta choose based on your priorities. Not anyone elses.

Well almost the majority of those i know are in their early 20's. And it's a fucking crossroad i tell you. You can get lost. so lost that you have to live with it.

Next year (i hope) i'll start to live. For now, i'm as dead as a willow tree in autumn and i'm enjoying it. I'm right now living off things i love doing. Let those dreams and hope just float for now. I'm gonna get to it soon.

For those living their dreams and making things happen as time goes, good for you. If you're stuck, stagnant and not getting to where you wanna be, it's almost never the world or people's fault. you is always a big contributing factor.

bye bye 2005 :)

wow, i must say. sean penn is the only person that can look macho while suffering heart failure. that's the case in 21 grams.

like last days, the plot is quite simple with fucked time line. so, in order to fully understand the movie , audience must finish the movie. good movie. 21 grams.

last days is allright. it's inspired by the last days of kurt cobain. even got the kurt loader MTV interview thing near the end after blake blew his head away. poor artistic people. no one can understand their complex soul. do you have one? if you do, stay away from a loaded rifle and drugs. stick to music and everything would be allrite.

astro screened this cool romantick flick with rene zelweger and obi wan kenobi in it before 21 grams. ( i forgot the dude's name). its set in the 40's. it's quite funny. corny. but funny.

whew, i'm bored already. i'm gonna look for DVD's or wait for any cool movies that astro would screen. i'm downloading NFS most wanted. GTA san andreas is really pissing me off. the map is fucking huge.

ARSENAL NEWS

i am now optimistic about arsenal chances of progressing beyond the last 16 in the champ league after being drawn to real madrid.

well since arsenal and r. madrid both suck at defending at the moment the chances are 50-50.

but considering r. madrid firepower i won't be surpised if arsenal get knocked out of the comp.

anyway, i have faith in the squad and talisman thierry henry who is finding his form.

speaking of arsenal, sunday's game against chelsea should be a treat to watch. after all the mind games, both manager would not consider losing as an option. too much is at stake.

i'm going for an arsenal win. 1 -0. surely.

punk'd

Last sunday i went to jb for my friend's wedding. And it turned out to be some sort of reunion gathering. It's so cool to meet my old comrades from school. Everybody was there. well almost.

These past few days the kids at serdang are getting more into football. And we played almost every afternoon now.

considering about getting a job. maybe later.

ARSENAL lost 2 consecutive league games. the gunners are gunned! but not dead. they're still in the CL and the cups competition.

adios amigos

Good Morning

My vision was restricted
to some natural beauty
where some took for granted
but at 7.30 am this morning
i'm glad i was there
i'm glad god let me share

the long straight road remind me
of little kids who are so pure
sparkling as mineral water
as naive as those who had passions
only to realize they're just reasons
to gain attention

as i was worrying if i'll ever get home
i sing some as a relief
i put faith first cause i believe
even when sometime faith,
is the thing i constantly leave

when the signboard reveal what i wanted to see
i screamed within
to me its like i win
even if i don't know what or who was the competition

maybe when you hope
and it drives you
to some known destination
you would like to think
that you win.

as for resolutions
that could wait some more
cause i can never be done for
resolutions from before

en route

Glad to be back home. It took me 3 and a half hour of a back breaking motorcycle ride to finally reach my front gate.

Wow. I have to come up with something to do to fill my free time. I'm getting my driver's license. Yes, i don't have one. It's like a common thing for people to be driving. Back in the old days, driving is only for those who can afford it. Hmmm...So i'll be common and go for my driver's license.

Oh yeah, The graduation night went great. Met old buddies that has started work already. Some are driving big fancy cars. I'm happy for them. Happy to see them. Happy to see them be happy and finally got their shit work out.

Me and my buddy rambo presented a couple of songs by PADI and PETER PAN during the grad night. menanti sebuah jawaban and bintang di surga. Did some un-rehearsed gimmick. Half way through bintang di surga we messed up and stopped. Everyone thought we were doing some sorta gimmick but the truth was i fucked up because i forgot the chords and stuff. Big laugh from everyone. And later Rambo did some poetry stuff. It was fun.

Me and farah got this really nifty headphones with a mic attached so we could call eachother with YM!. And it was ok eventho the voice got stuck sometime. but still i could hear her and she could hear me. So that's cool.

I'm planning to get me NFS most wanted because from what i have seen the game rocks! shit...
and maybe format my Pc coz my PC annoys me these past few days. I know its not its fault. it's infected with some sort of virus. don't worry PC. I'll format u and later we'll be shifting perfect gears and having lotsa fun with racer chicks.

I really am hoping that i'll be accepted for the masters program at KUiTTHO later next year. I'm gonna visit KPM and ask them personally the procedure concerning my case. ASk them about how i can appeal so i'll be accepted. What's the channel to go through and stuff.

When i think about it, i was at fault for fucking up my own acceptance. I could've at least gotten the minimum allowed CPa to get accepted. During those jahiliah days as i would like to call it, i was drowning with too much money and too much time. And i was lucky not to be kicked out cause that would really fucked up my already fucked up situation.

Like the sand in the hour glass so is the days of our lives?

wall number four

wall numebr three

wall number 2

wall number one

adult entertainment

it's been raining almost everyday and it made me wonder if it would rain .... when umm ... i ride my motorcycle back home next week. 300 fucking kilomteres on a motorcycle. its gonna be a back breaker for sure.

nothing's been happening much. i'm still doing brainless activity. playing games, watching movies.... just stuff. boring stuff actually.

started on my resume but there are still some blanks to be filled. not that enthusiastic about work. i was really looking forward to further my studies but my CPA is really fucked so........ i guess....my chances of being accepted is close to ZERO....which leaves me no option but to take my chances looking for work. but hell, i'm not giving up on the futher studying shit. i'm gonna beg if i have to.

about the looking for work thing.... i'm just gonna try and enjoy going to interviews (if i get any). i;m under contract which in it state that i must work for the governemtn for 7 years and finish doing my master of education degree. so i got nothing to lose but knowledge, experience and money.

if i do get a job i'm gonna work hard and earn some money. i owe it to my parents and my self.

desperate housewives is getting more and more exciting. more suspense.

i'm gonna 'apply' for my driving license when i get back. to those who still doesn't have a legitimate driving license can come and join me. stop being a vigilante (?). drive legally.

so this is it.

it only gets weirder and weirder. to me, life don't get harder.... it gets weirder. it gets wilder. as you grow ... you would like to think that our mind would grow as well but some people become more fucked up as they're growing up. their way of thinking is not those of a grown up. sometimes they can't even find the rational in things. they get more selfish that's for sure. more greedy perhaps. more obsessive. the desire to quench their thirst for attention is multiplied. winning is more important than having fun, bla bla bla.

there are some things that i have to start getting use to because the world is full of weirdos. i might as well be one. but that's just me. what do i know. i'm losing rational my self. i guess 2 weeks of doing nothing gives you that effect.

so as far as today, i came up with the ingredients that make up an adult.

1. work
2.money
3.car
4.tons of responsibility
5.loved ones (wife etc)
6. faith

but i really would like to put buying a drum set after 2. or put further my fucking studies before 1. or visit an island somewhere near nepal and snap load of pictures between 3 and 4. however...... basically..... if you don't have them, its allright.

enthusiastic about being an adult?. adultery. why do they call it adultery? only adult commits adultery. adult entertainment. why do they call it adult entertainment? because only adult entertaint themselves that way (?). being an adult is over rated.

its the same song all over again.

ah shut the fuck up ... grow up. get a job. grow a moustache. buy a neck tie and start sending out your resume because they're not waiting for you to grow up.

on a completely different topic ............................ mosquitos are such mother fuckers.

ah fuck! these mosquitos are having a fucking feast. why the fuck do they love my legs god damn it. ah shit! don't they have other people to bite. other blood to taste? i'm fucking thin. i need all the blood i have.haha ..yeah motehrfucker.... i got one. hahha.. you blood sucking piece of shit. .

i can't take this anymore. i'm outta here.

harry smokin potter

finally the exam result are out and i passed , and after that farah and me went for harry potter, damn good movie, its out of this world. and the trailer king kong also got me all excited, can't wait to watch that god damned big furry monkey fighting with dinosours and destroying light aircraft while clinmging to the empire state building.

till later,

anyone

anyone got time and money? let's just fucking go, ok?

let's

i wanna see that thin line where the sky and the sea meet
i'd be there standing on my own two feet
and say "this is all worth it" and glee
for i am having an affair with the sea

i want to see the sand, the greens
i want to hear the wave scream
salt my body like i need some cream
forget about all those wannabe pimps
i'd include you in my dream

i'd put image on paper
i'd constantly wipe my tear
i'd pay with money
i would need some company
whoever it'll be
we're gonna see
we're gonna have
an affair with the sea

join me
waste yourselves
be ignorant while you can
be still
and hope that it's bliss you feel
because that's what you get
by having an affair with the sea

blood in blood out

An epic story of three brothers. Bound by blood. Divided by fate. Driven by destiny.

This movie depicts the gang wars in Californian jails during the 1980s. The half-brothers Paco and Cruz grow up together with their cousin Miklo in one of the lesser districts of L.A. When Miklo more or less accidentally kills another guy in a gang fight, he has to go to jail in St. Quentin, where he soon starts a career in a drug connection. Meanwhile Paco joins the police and returns to the district as a determined officer in the vice squad. When Miklo is released on probation after 9 years, but keeps working for his gang, he soon clashes with Paco.

love actually is all around

Love actually

UK romantic flick.

funny exorcists

www.theexorcismofemilyrose.com

this is one scary movie with scary special effects but with funny storyline.

the end

cannot log on to the world wide web becoz my pc is experiencing some network problem. i don't know what.

i'm through with studying, for now at least. don't have to worry about pointers no more coz i don't think my CPA would slump to 1.5.

anyway, now i'm in limbo. it feels quite cool. not having to wake up knowing you have stuff to do.
i'm spending my day watching movies and just hanging out with friends and loved one. so it's quite allright.

sorry min becoz i cannot make it to your open house. why don't you open table next time eh. same kan?

e a t

selamat hari raya ... its the 3rd day .. and i have had enough of ketupat , lemang etc... yesterday watched only the first 30 minutes of PGL ... kinda interesting.... must find vcd ... the night before ... Pukianak-sundal-harum-lancau ... that movie hurt my feelings ... even my 6 yr old cousin laugh at the movie man ...

no angpaw for grown-ups. children dun need money arrr .. why should give to lil kids. they're gonna spend it on ding dang or some stupid lil kid things. better give to grown up so can waste on cigaret or snuker.

i haven't started my revision yet. regret ever bringing heavy books/notes home. i know that i won't get anything done if i take them home. but i said " yes, do it u can" with the yoda voice. but astro spoil my plan arr... i blame everything on astro ...

i was sick during the 1st hari raya. wanna puke man. stinging headache. fuken weak man. cannot wake up and do stuff. just went for the hari raya prayer and then sleep till afternoon. damn antibiotic wear off and my antibodi cannot cope on their own.. . shit. nausea. my throat hurt when i eat and when i swallow my spit.

negeri sembilan has many mosquito i tell you...even during daylight... all want to taste my blood..the mosquito i tell you.... are having a party on my body i tell you. they kept attacking me without mercy...

but everyone looks good man ... they said i look thinner ... and my eyes look like those from a sick person. do i look that skinny? i dun do drugs man .. i hope they believe me ...

fire crackers are fun man .... ... very fun to play ... i blew up some bad mangoes man ... they stink like shit i tell u...haha ... very dangerous man ....

but i love hari raya man ... stay home also fun what ....

selamat hari raya

selamat hari raya maaf zahir and of course batin!

yeah! batin rocks!

up in arms again

back at serdang ... bla bla bla ... finals after raya ... not a problem for me ... but i prefer finishing off all the exams and then have the long awaited holiday.

but now, i wanna stay home and watch movies in my boxer.

having this weird fever for days now. please stop.

how are you doin?

Jokes

HAHAHA

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."


Three men went to hell. The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3" He then opened the doors to the three rooms. Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor. Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor. Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee. The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee. They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."

More at http://www.thejokeyard.com/

whoa jessie!

i dunno about u guys but have you seen the Flipper series? its about this girl's bond with Flipper, an underwater mammal (dolphin lah). The girl aaa... was jessica alba (the chick far right). well she's in bikini again in the latest movie into the blue. i've seen it...shame on me huhuhuh. so hang on to your hormones coz jessie is gonna drive u wild!

INTO THE BLUE

that's enough for today

Your Personality Profile

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart. Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people. You tend to be always smiling - and making others smile. You are shy and intelligent... and a very hard worker. You're also funny, but many people don't see your funny side. Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

weirdo

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

quack! quack!

we've (the muslims) have been fasting for over a week now. time sure fly when you're having fun.
today i had nasi kerabu and it was tasty sokmo.

still haven't decided where to post yet. i need to choose 3 places according to my preference lah. so for no. 1 i think i'd put down selangor. the rest i'm still not sure.

few arsenal regulars are out with injury picked up during the world cup qualifier. what a blow.

oh yeah, i've been watching full metal alchemist. my 2nd anime after eva. hahaha. its damn funny i tell you.

lately i've been receiving e-mails about threat from the jews, christians etc trying to screw the mulims. and most recently the hindus. talk about paranoid. but i think the jew is plotting something. i dunno. but the rest sounded racist. these hate mail would surely fire someone's pot. its up to the reader to believe and act.

sick

What Your Underwear Says About You

You like to think of yourself as innocent, even though you're not! You're not afraid to lay around resting your hand in your pants.

The Underwear Oracle

Pimpin'

Your Pimp Name Is...

Maestro Luv

What's Your Pimp Name?

HAHAHA

yeah right

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Damn

Your Band Name is:

The Badass Zookeepers

Band Name Generator

Controlled Substance

GOAL! webbie

I want to see a new movie called GOAL! It's now showing. Next year is world cup year so i guess this movie is kind of a pre-world cup movie.You know how it is. It's like when it's near christmas and then suddenly all of these christmas movie started screening. So moviegoers who is in the mood would watch it. I dunno... just randomly guessing. It's about soccer and like all sport movies of course there'll be underdogs making it big, dreams, all that hope/dream/shit.

Wow! Desperate housewives season 2 is getting more and more interesting. I've only seen it up to episode 2. There's a new neighbour who just moved in. The new neighbour is hiding some weird dude who is all tied up in their basement.There's more secret for the housewives of suburbia to hide. You gotta watch it.

Oh, by the way, this website really DO tell you who you really are. It's amazing.

jumaat

Nothing new, usual routine. Got a test on sunday. hahaha. we're suppose to be off on sunday rite?
As i was filling out my posting form, i'm having trouble deciding where to post. Selangor?, johore?, sabah?

And one other thing the form said to include a copy of some documents concerning my scholarship. So i guess i have to go back to serdang or maybe ask mom to post me the documents.