xxx-mas

merry christmas to all christians, i don't have that many christian friends, hmm.

anyway 2006 is just days ahead, and it's been a good year. And if there was an assesment on life, i would probably say i progressed. At least a little. i finished studying. that's a big progress.

but i'm sad to see some are still struggling, still clueless about themselves. Yes, we human tend to be ignorant. It's human nature. It's not deliberate. It's easier to just let things go rotten as long as YOU are fine. It's much better pleasing YOU then anyone else. It's easier to disagree on things you don't like rather then TRYING to understand it. It's easier to hide your flaws then to change it. IT's easy for YOU to ignore but it's sure as hell isn't easy for people who have taken a good beating on the matter to notice.

when we're growing up and entering these new phase that almost all early 20's kids will, we can't afford to shut our eyes to the harsh reality. i'm more insecure then ever. But i'm glad the delusion of people judging me all the time is slowly fading away. I guess i just don't care anymore. There are many things that needed sorting out. So when i meet, i'll greet. It's as simple as that.

once, when we're kids and innocent there's never this much options. They're either tora-tora or ding-dang. go to school or not. But now, the consequences of our actions go deeper than we ever imagine. It will fuck the next 20-30 years of our lives. But it can also make our life better. Options that could affect the lives of many. Options that could hurt. And you gotta choose based on your priorities. Not anyone elses.

Well almost the majority of those i know are in their early 20's. And it's a fucking crossroad i tell you. You can get lost. so lost that you have to live with it.

Next year (i hope) i'll start to live. For now, i'm as dead as a willow tree in autumn and i'm enjoying it. I'm right now living off things i love doing. Let those dreams and hope just float for now. I'm gonna get to it soon.

For those living their dreams and making things happen as time goes, good for you. If you're stuck, stagnant and not getting to where you wanna be, it's almost never the world or people's fault. you is always a big contributing factor.

bye bye 2005 :)