zzz

erm ... i'm waiting for the Arsenal everton game ...

i was planning on going home (Serdang) on the 30th, but then suddenly, my lecturer thought about having a test on that date or on the next day. so that would be friday or saturday which kinda suck because the my family's cameron trip is on the 30th. so there goes cameron ... if the test date is set.

and urm ...rumors about the scholarship money is circulating and its been ringing in my ears eversince. so i was thinking about buying stuff or maybe saving up so i can go somewhere like an island or ... i dunno.

so i've decided to halt the decision of having a driving license ... in this day and age it seems essential. maybe not to so many people. its just a piece of plastic with your face on it anyway. you don't need a license to drive. but you do need to know how to drive to drive. and of course a car. the very least.. your parents car.

there was this awful accident today. it was on the front page of the press. and on tv. a car rammed 2 or 3 policeman and some civillains and the all died. lately i've been thinking about terrible things happening. and farah did came up with a good point by saying that bad things occurs more to religious people. so i'm like thinking, could that be true.

we were thought to look at awful stuff happening to us as some kinda of sin redemption scheme, or as some obstacle god set up for us, and it would probably take us probably less than a minute to think about god if we really stick to that and maybe the whole bitching or complaining part won't be the only thing coming out of our mouths.

i sometime complained about this and that. but some have it worse than me. if i were taunted or mocked i know that there is a boy/gal out there who is taking a rather heavy beating then me. if i am broke i know that there's a dad out there trying to feed his family and if i'm hurt physically i know that some people are not even standing on their feet.

everyone want to be better. but in my case, i don't know if i'm a better person then i was like 2-3 years ago. sure i stopped smoking and i shake off all those money wasting habits that i have but am i a good person? i know i'm better than some people out there but it doesnt matter if you are not good to the ones that you need most and the ones that need you most.

is it always gonna be about cracking jokes? money? is my life gonna be just another routine where the only purpose is to go through tomorrow?

don't get me wrong ... i'm happy ... but for once, i just want to feel i dunno ... just satisfied with everything ... i want to feel filled with more than what i see or have. feel like i don't have anyone to please or to talk to. nothing to see or to desire. that sounds like bliss. maybe that'll come when u die. whoa ... i'm way over my head here.

life is so easy. so easy to get pass by if we stick to what we put our faith in.

that's it ... faith.