dump

on wednesday i went to jb with dear farah and i bought myself a nike sandal. and farah was even nice enough to lend me money to buy this black basketball shoe but unfortunately they don't have my size. so i just end up goin' back to batu pahat with just a sandal. so i guess i'll be playing with my aspic "kick ass" shoes.

And farah is so sick today. sick of me.? hahaha... no actually. ..she came down with this sore throat and flu and stuff. and she's been sayin how she wanted to puke when she lays down and when she sits her head hurts... poor girl ... get well soon dear....

a friend asked me to play in his team in the upcoming kuittho sports carnival. that was flattering. but i don't know if i could play or not. since probably the carnival clashes with the MB cup. i wanna play both.

and mostly my classmates who recently just completed their 5 years course are workin already. they are getting paid 1600 - 2300RM. damn it . i could barely survive here let alone afford anything fancy. i guess now they can. i think most of them are thinking of the big stuff now. They're in the big league now. cars, house and even getting married comes to their mind. they're almost completing their transistion to being a full adult. well almost. so i'm like broke, and i don't even have a driving license and i have no savings. i'm thinking like what the fuck am i still doing? on the other hand, i could wake up late and have all this time to myself. the only problem with too much time is having too much time with so little money. so money kind of limits everything.

the transisition? i thought adolesence and puberty was hard enough. but there's lot more coming our way. we'll be mothers and fathers eventually. and we'll be raising our own. we are going to sacrifice a lot of our time and doing all the things we've been doing all along making sure everythings gonna be allright. there's no more "i". it'll be "we". now it's "i want this i want that". but later on it's gonna be "we need this, we need that". and we're gonna grow fat and bald. and our limbs will start to give and goin up the stairs would be like climbing mt everest. i'm going too far there.

i see my friends are more aware of their surroundings. they are starting to care about other people's feelings and are more sensitive. they are starting to step up when it counts. start acting out what they've planned instead of letting it just be another dream. there was once a time when money was for buying stuff but now money is for our parents and to be saved for more useful spending. i don't know if i'm like that. i tend to run away from things if i'm not sure i'm capable enough. i'd rather sit, watch and comment. it's so immature. it feels like you're inside a shell and whoever tries to get into your space will offend you. and you are so afraid of going out of the shell because you got used to it for so long that u're afraid you'll be a target out in the open.

it is mind boggling huh? i guess that how dreams die. the got replaced by another more mature dream. a dream of having a complete life. the basic foundation of life, money, family, asets and maybe a little time.