It all started with a harmless 5km jog around my housing area which quickly turned to a full marathon. From then on, I got a bike and started swimming. Self coached and self motivated, I should have gotten a coach in hindsight, but it is what it is. That made the process long and full of trials and errors. Now, about 5 years later, I am currently training for an Ironman and I am feeling what I felt while preparing for my first 10km run.I don't know what I'm doing but I'm loving it.
Having done the half Ironman made me want to do an Ironman because it's the grand triathlon that triathletes keep boasting about. It's a natural progression for a triathlete. To many, the journey to finish their first Ironman is special, grand, full of hardships etc. I too imagine going through the same process and finally being at the finish line feeling satisfied and more importantly relieved to be able to finally gotten it out of my system.
I wanted to cross the Ironman finish line so much it seems like all my actions are geared toward that ultimate goal. I think about it a lot. My significant other must've heard it countless time about triathlon and ironman related stuff and she probably came to a realization that I'm ready to put a lot on the line to become an Ironman. She supports and understand the demanding nature of the sport. I am most grateful for that.
Since then, I have made it a priority to create an enabling environment for me to train and go to races so I'm ready when the day arrive. But throughout the process of exploring the limits of my body, I'm certain I can't fulfill the true potential of what my body can do because of other non triathlon things that would require my attention, efforts and mostly time. But, it will not stop me from still doing laps in the pool, or spending hours on the saddle cycling through traffic or just simply running after a hard day at work.
As time goes by, not only do i notice an improvement from the physical aspect of the sport i.e physiology, tolerance to pain etc. but also emotionally and psychologically.
Emotionally, racing does not seems to be the only thing. I realize that I enjoy training for the Ironman regardless of how easy or how hard a workout is. I enjoy the process and complex preparation involved to toe the start line and run (or walk) through the finishing chute. Racing means competing and I don't think I am competing against anyone. Like me, most age groupers are competing with the course, battling their own demons. Victory for most of us does not mean being on the podium.
That is when I arrive to a conclusion on why I wanted to do the Ironman. It is a serious question and it's worthwhile to ask from time to time considering the amount of resources and effort put into it. The answer is not as clear though. But in essence, for me, it's the need to venture into the unknown, to go beyond what an average person would do and come out of it with the knowledge that you have done what most people considered impossible or more commonly thought of as insane. I'm also certain it compensates what ever weak area I have in my life that i don't have the courage to venture into.
In short, I wanted to conquer the unknown and have faith that my mind and body can rise up to the challenge at least physically. And that is basically the challenge and probably why i do it.Having conquered and successfully gone through the unknown and conquering is probably what makes it worth the time.
Even in training, I keep wanting to conquer workouts. I do them not because I wanted to get stronger. I just want to know whether I can do it. Sometimes, i just can't do the whole workout and I don't think it's the end of the world. I feel satisfied because I know it was my limit and I can go out next week and challenge that limit. It's a never ending cycle. That is the unknown ... your limits. I can't be told, it can't be done. I would probably test that hypothesis.
Psychologically, I feel endurance events are perfect for someone who can't get enough of doing the things they love. When playing basketball, i remember how i hate it to be on the sideline watching people play. I wanted to play all the time regardless in training, pick up games or in a competitive game. When I play, i don't want it to end and wanted to continue playing. The ironman can provide that. I'm sure swimming 4 km, cycling 180km and a 42km marathon would last more than a basketball game.
At the beginning, I thought the Ironman would be the mega project that once done, I can then move to other things in life. It's funny how the mind work. I am so used to test my limit (as all triathletes do) that it seems I am attracted to again push the boundries and again venture into the unknown. I always thought that Ironman would be it. But venturing and just enduring something new is addicting. It won;t stop as long as you can still question your motive. And i haven't even properly started training for an Ironman yet!
I don't think about endurance races as races anymore. I think about training for them. Races are just an excuse for me to go out and train. Races has finish lines. During training, you draw the line. And a competitive mind ensure the line keeps moving away once we get there and we in turn get excited to chase after it again and again. And your body will become better as a result.
The best thing that could come out of training for and completing an Ironman is that I can validate the reason why I do an Ironman. Its a process where you explore the kind of person you are and the type of challenges that makes you .. you. It is personal and you can lie to everyone else as to why you do it. But you'll know. It is different from person to person. I feel alive and grateful for each day I can go out and train. In november I'll probably go deep inside my mind and question whether the Ironman is as good as it get. My mind, probably tired as hell, would probably say yes but unconsciously scheming to venture yet into a new unknown. I'll be beaming as if I'm training for my first 10km run all over again.
