My dad finally went out and bought a laptop for my bro at low yatt. I was out browsing at acers and asuses and Hp's dells etc .. and my dad and me finally land a compaq presario. It cost about 3600. And while i was there i couldn;t help but notice all the gizmos and gadgets being displayed. Oh boy, everytime i go to low yatt there is always something new. The computers are so far out with lotsa new shit. I think if you buy a computer at low yatt, it will be outdated seconds later.
And seeing how the chinese do business is really amazing. No disrespect to malays or indians but chinese are really at the forefront of businesses. When they do business they mean business. Its Chinese new year is tomorrow but they are still doing business only to shut their operation down at 3PM. And they really try hard to help you make a decision. I hate it when you are clueless and in need of help and somehow you are ignored or they look at you like you don;t have money.
And to business owner don;t look like you are desperate for money. Don;t push people into buying. Try and help us consumers make our minds up. For heaven sake, buying a computer is a fucking investment. Constant persuasion will only make buyers distance themselves.
But low yatt is still and always festive. Its like an indoor pasar malam selling thousand ringgit worth of computer stuff. I like it. I see girls going there (maybe the ptptn got something to do wit it) and getting themselves a laptop. And they don;t need boys to tag along with them coz making a decision and asking about stuff is really welcome at low yatt. MAybe i only sratch the surface of low yatt. I dunno the dark side of low yatt. Maybe there is cases like those i heard at petaling street. U know..... chinese gangs and triad and stuff. WHo knows?
Arsenal is playing bolton today. And they have injuries and some shit about resting key players. I hope they don't get murdered or worse slaughtered by bolton today.
On a sour note, star jobs really dissapoint me. There are no recent post that suit my qualifications. Oh well.
Ok...i;m going to watch season 1 of seinfeld. bye ....
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
hero
I'm downloading king kong. And i am not that much of a pro-hero kind of guy. Especially a hero with lotsa fur, nude with fangs. MAybe a hero is a teacher or someone like coach carter who really don't take credit doing smoething good. Anyway king kong is just a big big big ape.
Growing up, heroes are suppose to be cool. My first ever hero, michael jackson. Just because he can dance. The first ever musical icon that really influence me and made me look like a dancing fool when i was a kid. There was this indonesian kid named gali abangga or something who would buy anything related to MJ and i would come over to his house and be amazed. Now, Mj who was once my hero is now a free but once accused child molester. hurm.
beside having a child molester who can dance as a hero i bet almost all the kids in malaysia loves heroes who can kick ass. Who am i talking about? John Rambo, ARnold Schwarzenigeegerrereg and maybe gaban/suria perkasa hitam etc...Muscles, knife, guns, one-man-ass kicking fiesta and outrageous vehicle. Any kid who hasn't got involved in porn would go crazy for these things if they are screened on TV.
And later i would go for a real life hero who really made it big. MJ!..... NOt the child molester but the rich and famous michael jordan. He was like the idol of everyone in USA. HE was a real hero because he really won games by himself. If there was no one like him in the NBA i would probably not start playing bball. He was a kid's dream. But today, kids look up to skip and hot sauce and all the and 1 mixtape's playa. Oh well. Who need team work when you can dribble all the way to the hoop and make it count.
AFter a while i kinda look up to people like DR. M as heroes or anyone who really influence lotsa people like teachers etc. They're not famous or doesn't really contribute that much but at least they made an impact on me. And that is always the first thing a hero should do to you. MAke an impact.
But a hero really don't do good in real life. Coz that don't work in real life. U can't go all the way to the hoop all the time. Teachers can't make everybody sit and study. Dads can't always make sure his sons are 100% innocent. A great prime minister can't share his vision to the population. It can't be that ideal. Can it? Micahel Jackson was someone who i once considered a hero but i never knew the fact that his dad literally force him into singing and shit. And MJ?...The coach who led him to all the glory was P. JAckson. now head coach for the LA lakers. Who is now coaching kobe on how to be a goal-scoring hero i bet.
So i think there are heroes in this world. And they can't be heroes by themselves. They just can't. Unless you are big nude ape.
Growing up, heroes are suppose to be cool. My first ever hero, michael jackson. Just because he can dance. The first ever musical icon that really influence me and made me look like a dancing fool when i was a kid. There was this indonesian kid named gali abangga or something who would buy anything related to MJ and i would come over to his house and be amazed. Now, Mj who was once my hero is now a free but once accused child molester. hurm.
beside having a child molester who can dance as a hero i bet almost all the kids in malaysia loves heroes who can kick ass. Who am i talking about? John Rambo, ARnold Schwarzenigeegerrereg and maybe gaban/suria perkasa hitam etc...Muscles, knife, guns, one-man-ass kicking fiesta and outrageous vehicle. Any kid who hasn't got involved in porn would go crazy for these things if they are screened on TV.
And later i would go for a real life hero who really made it big. MJ!..... NOt the child molester but the rich and famous michael jordan. He was like the idol of everyone in USA. HE was a real hero because he really won games by himself. If there was no one like him in the NBA i would probably not start playing bball. He was a kid's dream. But today, kids look up to skip and hot sauce and all the and 1 mixtape's playa. Oh well. Who need team work when you can dribble all the way to the hoop and make it count.
AFter a while i kinda look up to people like DR. M as heroes or anyone who really influence lotsa people like teachers etc. They're not famous or doesn't really contribute that much but at least they made an impact on me. And that is always the first thing a hero should do to you. MAke an impact.
But a hero really don't do good in real life. Coz that don't work in real life. U can't go all the way to the hoop all the time. Teachers can't make everybody sit and study. Dads can't always make sure his sons are 100% innocent. A great prime minister can't share his vision to the population. It can't be that ideal. Can it? Micahel Jackson was someone who i once considered a hero but i never knew the fact that his dad literally force him into singing and shit. And MJ?...The coach who led him to all the glory was P. JAckson. now head coach for the LA lakers. Who is now coaching kobe on how to be a goal-scoring hero i bet.
So i think there are heroes in this world. And they can't be heroes by themselves. They just can't. Unless you are big nude ape.
there is nothing actually
There is a lot to look out for in life. We want success, a good job, a nice life, a peaceful place where we can settle down and protect the things that we worked hard for. And we always thought that these things will bring happiness to our life. But maybe its not our script after all. And you realize happiness means having nothing attached. Getting everything done. Facing death well prepared. Then, silence.
A heart that's full up like a landfill, bruises that won't heal.
You look so tired-unhappy,
bring down the government,
they don't, they don't speak for us.
I'll take a quiet life,
a handshake of carbon monoxide,
with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
Silent silence.
This is my final fit,
my final bellyache,
with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises please.
Such a pretty house
and such a pretty garden.
No alarms and no surprises,
(Get me outta here)
no alarms and no surprises,
(Get me outta here)
no alarms and no surprises
(Get me outta here) please.
hope->try->fail->try->fail->try->fail->hopeless
This song really remind me of times that i tried real hard. But i was afraid of failure. Afraid that it wouldn't work out. But i want it so bad that i just went along with it. I dreamt about it so much. I really took it by heart and it was good for a while. Then suddenly it was the worst that came through and i realize that hoping for something and working hard for something really makes you feel fucked when you fail. Therefore don't wish anyone good luck cause i think it leads to bad luck. Try and try and try again until you're hopeless. go figure!
There is a place I’d love to goStrangers takin’ me there
I dream about the day I learn to fly
I’m afraid of aeroplanes
Even though I act the way
That it feels to be a person in the sky
It’s alright
And it’s good
This time
I look out and on the ground
Really don’t believe it
Gravity can pull me from this height
One day we’ll come crashing down
What will I do
Never had a chance to say goodbye
Close my eyes and hope that it’s
A real smooth flight
This time
Close my eyes and hope that it’s
A real smooth flight
And it’s good
This time
I look down and on the ground
I look down and on the ground
I look down and on the ground
I look out, we’re going down
Foo fighters - A320
wishing you a prosperous and happy chinese new year
The chinese new year is next week. So i bet everyone working or studying would be happy to have some time off from whatever their doing.
I'm done with Curb your enthusiasm..finally. Larry david is one funny bald jew.
ARsenal lost to high flying promoted side wigan last night..(morning actually) by the away goals rule. So that sucked. It was a last minute goal that made the score 2-1. which means the aggregate was tied to 2-2 since wigan scored on the first leg. And today there was this thing on the sport section of the star which mentioned that thierry henry already made a verbal agreement to join barcelona in july. What the fuck? verbal agreement? He's negotiating with arsenal right now and he said its not about the money. Its about the club (arsenal) willingness to spend and bringing in more players and winning cups. I think arsenal won't be winning any cups anytime soon. Since he's 29 i think arsenal should sell. I think wenger is rebuilding arsenal and the team is in a transition to be again a big club. With the stadium and all. anyway... hope they get that vital automatic champions league spot.
I'm done with Curb your enthusiasm..finally. Larry david is one funny bald jew.
ARsenal lost to high flying promoted side wigan last night..(morning actually) by the away goals rule. So that sucked. It was a last minute goal that made the score 2-1. which means the aggregate was tied to 2-2 since wigan scored on the first leg. And today there was this thing on the sport section of the star which mentioned that thierry henry already made a verbal agreement to join barcelona in july. What the fuck? verbal agreement? He's negotiating with arsenal right now and he said its not about the money. Its about the club (arsenal) willingness to spend and bringing in more players and winning cups. I think arsenal won't be winning any cups anytime soon. Since he's 29 i think arsenal should sell. I think wenger is rebuilding arsenal and the team is in a transition to be again a big club. With the stadium and all. anyway... hope they get that vital automatic champions league spot.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
dear failure,
ARsenal lost 1 - 0 to everton. And the jinx kept spreading and spreading and it spreads eventually to me.
I ... failed one part of my driving test. The road part ....not the parking shit part. I fucked and i failed. Its weird tho being a dude and failed. I mean all the other dudes successfully evade humility and manage to save money and time by passing both part. And they're all like trying to avoid making contact with me as if i have this failure disease. Maybe they thought i was so pissed and they don't wanna make me feel bad by telling me they passed and asking me how i did. But i was actually humbled and humiliated by the failure. Felt like a loser while waiting for the other part of the test and i know that it wont suck so much waiting if i passed the 1st part of the test. So this other guy eventually came up and talked to me. And i just try my best to make my side of the story looked like its not my fault and told him the road fucked me up. My very own failure theory....It is always my fault.
I was the only male failure of the entire driving school. The others are some desperate housewives, some just physically and technically incapable of driving and some just fucked up. And i was so ashamed that i was the only guy amongst the women who failed. It was so i dunno..... embarassing. Hahahaa. Well so what? i'll nail the test next time out. I just have to add sugar and swallow it like a man and hope the bitter taste of failure wont affect me next time.
But it was a sweet day for kobe yesterday coz he scored 81 points in a single game. How the fuck can a human being do such a thing in a basketball game? amazing. IT was crazy.
Hahaha...certainly i won't take my failure as if it is the end of the world but it sure ended my day and maybe the rest of the weekend. coffee!
I ... failed one part of my driving test. The road part ....not the parking shit part. I fucked and i failed. Its weird tho being a dude and failed. I mean all the other dudes successfully evade humility and manage to save money and time by passing both part. And they're all like trying to avoid making contact with me as if i have this failure disease. Maybe they thought i was so pissed and they don't wanna make me feel bad by telling me they passed and asking me how i did. But i was actually humbled and humiliated by the failure. Felt like a loser while waiting for the other part of the test and i know that it wont suck so much waiting if i passed the 1st part of the test. So this other guy eventually came up and talked to me. And i just try my best to make my side of the story looked like its not my fault and told him the road fucked me up. My very own failure theory....It is always my fault.
I was the only male failure of the entire driving school. The others are some desperate housewives, some just physically and technically incapable of driving and some just fucked up. And i was so ashamed that i was the only guy amongst the women who failed. It was so i dunno..... embarassing. Hahahaa. Well so what? i'll nail the test next time out. I just have to add sugar and swallow it like a man and hope the bitter taste of failure wont affect me next time.
But it was a sweet day for kobe yesterday coz he scored 81 points in a single game. How the fuck can a human being do such a thing in a basketball game? amazing. IT was crazy.
Hahaha...certainly i won't take my failure as if it is the end of the world but it sure ended my day and maybe the rest of the weekend. coffee!
Friday, January 20, 2006
clutch and all
Did anybody see the lakers versus the kings? how bout kobe huh? how can he score like 40+ and the kings still manage to walk away with a victory. Miller's buzzer beater to put the socre level really was something out of a comic. I love buzzer beaters. Especially those that ties a game.
Today's driving lesson invloves me driving in some highway near hospital putrajaya and i went as afar as balakong or puchong or something and ended up somewhere near the traffic light junction that lead to nizam nuri's house. chinatown i think is waht they call it. Anyhow .. highway is fun .. i get to use the 4th gear and the instructor was constantly snoozing so i did have a blast driving fast. 60km/h top. Gimme a break, that's fast for a kancil man. Next week i'll be having a pre-test before the actual test. I'm not too worried about it. I think anybody except anybody can drive. It's easy to be a driver but it ain't easy to be a good driver. I think malaysia has a hig rate of mortality, accidents road bully junk-driver etc. due to the system that produces these drivers. Myself included. As long as i'm not driven by speed or any substance that could influence my driving i'll be fine. Anyone can drive. But no one is a good driver.
My 125z needs a new tyre. It has this tear on its side and i think the tear will eventually cause my tyre to burst. The dude that replaced my tube said "awak kene tukar secepat mungkin" and i was like"tikar tube jer la dulu". SO that sucked. I don't want to be riding and suddenly bom! blood and all. No way. So i'm gonna ask dear daddy for financial support.
Congratulation to farah on her first interview. Go get em tiger!
Tomorrow i'll be at KL convention centre for a 3 on 3 game..hopefully gamessss. It start at 8am so i think its better i get there by motorcycle so i wont be late? LRT is also a good option but ... i dunno ... Wanna come and be the pom pom guy/gal?
mom's home. Oh man.... she don't bring no snack home. I'm hungry. GOtta go. Basketbol!!!!!!
Today's driving lesson invloves me driving in some highway near hospital putrajaya and i went as afar as balakong or puchong or something and ended up somewhere near the traffic light junction that lead to nizam nuri's house. chinatown i think is waht they call it. Anyhow .. highway is fun .. i get to use the 4th gear and the instructor was constantly snoozing so i did have a blast driving fast. 60km/h top. Gimme a break, that's fast for a kancil man. Next week i'll be having a pre-test before the actual test. I'm not too worried about it. I think anybody except anybody can drive. It's easy to be a driver but it ain't easy to be a good driver. I think malaysia has a hig rate of mortality, accidents road bully junk-driver etc. due to the system that produces these drivers. Myself included. As long as i'm not driven by speed or any substance that could influence my driving i'll be fine. Anyone can drive. But no one is a good driver.
My 125z needs a new tyre. It has this tear on its side and i think the tear will eventually cause my tyre to burst. The dude that replaced my tube said "awak kene tukar secepat mungkin" and i was like"tikar tube jer la dulu". SO that sucked. I don't want to be riding and suddenly bom! blood and all. No way. So i'm gonna ask dear daddy for financial support.
Congratulation to farah on her first interview. Go get em tiger!
Tomorrow i'll be at KL convention centre for a 3 on 3 game..hopefully gamessss. It start at 8am so i think its better i get there by motorcycle so i wont be late? LRT is also a good option but ... i dunno ... Wanna come and be the pom pom guy/gal?
mom's home. Oh man.... she don't bring no snack home. I'm hungry. GOtta go. Basketbol!!!!!!
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
call of duty
Ahhhh... still jobless. Was browsing at mines today looking at stuff. Wafi wanted socks. So i decided to tag along and just browse around. And at the BATA store there was this nifty slipper where the design was made by aceh kids. Yep .. the slippers sorta have this tsunami theme ... i think i'm gonna go get it. It's so cute and ... cool. Thought about getting some cheap jogging / cross-training shoes for basketball and jogging. I pity those who doesn't care about their body and take their health for granted. Hahaha. I'm trying hard to not be a typical fat malaysian. Our body is a temple ..... or something like that. Seriously.... when i get old i dun want to walk around or travel with any health restrictions or complications. Yep .. when i'm old i'll just travel and take lotsa pictures or just simply walk around buying souveniers.
Back on earth.
Ahhhh... still jobless.
Next week there is this 3 on 3 streetball thingy at KLCC. Wow.... i haven't been involved in a 3 on 3 comp for a couple of years. Ahhh... basketball .... that's the thing i want to still be doing when i'm old. Maybe get a coaching job somewhere.
Ahhhhh.. still jobless.
I've always wanted a drumkit. I am fascinated by the drums eversince i played the drums. It's the most satisfying instrument ever. Maybe when i can afford it i'll get one. I'll never stop drumming. Maybe i'll join my brother;s band. Afterall.. they need a drummer and i am in need of drumming.
SO what are YOU gonna do when you're old?
Back on earth.
Ahhhh... still jobless.
Next week there is this 3 on 3 streetball thingy at KLCC. Wow.... i haven't been involved in a 3 on 3 comp for a couple of years. Ahhh... basketball .... that's the thing i want to still be doing when i'm old. Maybe get a coaching job somewhere.
Ahhhhh.. still jobless.
I've always wanted a drumkit. I am fascinated by the drums eversince i played the drums. It's the most satisfying instrument ever. Maybe when i can afford it i'll get one. I'll never stop drumming. Maybe i'll join my brother;s band. Afterall.. they need a drummer and i am in need of drumming.
SO what are YOU gonna do when you're old?
Friday, January 13, 2006
sarbat juice taste like ants
I've never felt like a fucking jerk ever. Well not for a very long time. But today when i was in the LRT i kinda gave this retard a "look". ANd the kid just shy his face away from me and i felt terrible. I tell you i should've apologize or something. It was not my intention to give him this "look". Its u know my flaw. It's this thing i cannot control and i think it's one of many factors that is affecting my social mingling process. I have this surprise look thingy that i do when i see something weird or surprising. u know like, u see a retard or ur friend taking drugs in front of you... shooting coke or marijuana in his body. The "look" is a result of my brain .... processing and collecting all the data, and it could not compute a suitable "look" for a given occasion and hence the "look". I know i was rude. The "look" is sorta a mixture of pity + judging + ridiculing + glad that u are not one of them look. The "look" is cruel. I am cruel and i hate myself for giving him the look.
But his mom was even more cruel cause she won't like ..... want to be near him. Well, I was looking from a safe distance and making my own assumptions. But i think his mom should u know .... tuck him between her arms coz it sucks when people stare at you. Oh fuck ...it sucks!!!. Especially when your flaw is dangling for people to see. Its paranoia taken to a whole new level.
When i look at e-mails containing graphic scenes of people getting their head chopped off or u know those terrorists short .wmv file movie that shows a hostage getting slaughtered or a terrible accident or any other graphic images or video..... i don't give a crap. It's just death. I mean shit happens. I mean death is like .. destiny. U can't do nothing about it. But when i was watching bersamamu i was like " damn it, why?!!!" i can't watch this shit. It's like oh man ... it's sad and it's so real ..... the show really makes u feel humble. Feel arghh ... i don't know ... and i would have the "look"the whole time while i am watching the show. I could only stand minutes before i switch channels.
I think it's only human to feel shitty if you cannot do something about something that really needed to be done something about. What the fuck am i saying? An example. U see a motorist having problems with his/her car whatever and u thought about helping. And your brain is like having a courtesy VS selffish-needs conflict wheteher tu pull over and help or get home ASAP so u can play basketball etc. And after u passed by... u feel like ... shit i could've done something. And the window of opportunity to help was slammed shut when u passed by him/her. And u'd feel shitty for the very least seconds before .... poof! back to your little world where everything is in order and no one is in no need of help. Just to make everything feel allright you'd go ... "oh she's fine .. someone will come by and help her " .. or .. "it's nothing ...". I dunno ... But that feeling sucks. I'm wondering if superman feels the same way? He can't save everybody .. can he?
The thing about us people is that in someway we feel comfortable in our own spaces. With Our own click and our own problem .. our own timeline until that we don't give a crap about nothing else ... other than those who actually relate to our space. It's like friends, family, someone u know and then ... that's it. That's as far as we would go to help. I think most people are..like that. I think i'm like that ... a little selfish ... insecure. .. and giving the"look" is not making things better ...
I can't think of 50 things i should really care about .... maybe ten ... or 15 but not 50 .. and that .. makes me a jerk ... ... today ... tomorrow this jerkish hangover would go away and everyting will be better ...
whatever .. i'm watching homegrown ...
But his mom was even more cruel cause she won't like ..... want to be near him. Well, I was looking from a safe distance and making my own assumptions. But i think his mom should u know .... tuck him between her arms coz it sucks when people stare at you. Oh fuck ...it sucks!!!. Especially when your flaw is dangling for people to see. Its paranoia taken to a whole new level.
When i look at e-mails containing graphic scenes of people getting their head chopped off or u know those terrorists short .wmv file movie that shows a hostage getting slaughtered or a terrible accident or any other graphic images or video..... i don't give a crap. It's just death. I mean shit happens. I mean death is like .. destiny. U can't do nothing about it. But when i was watching bersamamu i was like " damn it, why?!!!" i can't watch this shit. It's like oh man ... it's sad and it's so real ..... the show really makes u feel humble. Feel arghh ... i don't know ... and i would have the "look"the whole time while i am watching the show. I could only stand minutes before i switch channels.
I think it's only human to feel shitty if you cannot do something about something that really needed to be done something about. What the fuck am i saying? An example. U see a motorist having problems with his/her car whatever and u thought about helping. And your brain is like having a courtesy VS selffish-needs conflict wheteher tu pull over and help or get home ASAP so u can play basketball etc. And after u passed by... u feel like ... shit i could've done something. And the window of opportunity to help was slammed shut when u passed by him/her. And u'd feel shitty for the very least seconds before .... poof! back to your little world where everything is in order and no one is in no need of help. Just to make everything feel allright you'd go ... "oh she's fine .. someone will come by and help her " .. or .. "it's nothing ...". I dunno ... But that feeling sucks. I'm wondering if superman feels the same way? He can't save everybody .. can he?
The thing about us people is that in someway we feel comfortable in our own spaces. With Our own click and our own problem .. our own timeline until that we don't give a crap about nothing else ... other than those who actually relate to our space. It's like friends, family, someone u know and then ... that's it. That's as far as we would go to help. I think most people are..like that. I think i'm like that ... a little selfish ... insecure. .. and giving the"look" is not making things better ...
I can't think of 50 things i should really care about .... maybe ten ... or 15 but not 50 .. and that .. makes me a jerk ... ... today ... tomorrow this jerkish hangover would go away and everyting will be better ...
whatever .. i'm watching homegrown ...
I tried and i said " at least i tried" (not enough)
Well jobhunting was fun and erm... u know... exciting at first. But then, it started to get a little frustrating when reality start to have its grips on you. Its hard to get a job. That's the reality. Not with a 2nd class lower CPA. Not with no portfolio or anything that is credible to show for.
And employers in Jobstreet really doesn't care about me. My application didn't turn in any respond. The least they can do is say that i don't deserve their attention or something nicer. It's like i'm hopelessly waiting. Is it a yes or a no. It feels like when you are waiting for a bus for like hours and you want to just give up on waiting and take a cab eventhough it cost a lot more. But then you're like .... oh maybe 15 mins more .... and then the bus still didn't show up. And when it finally did... it's no use. You already missed the appoinment coz the bus is late. whatever. the bottom line is waiting for an answer sucks. hell ... waiting alone sucks. b ut i try to be patient. I can't expect i'm the michael jordan of the engineering industry where every company in malaysia wants at least a piece of me if not whole.
but jobhunting is an experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Maybe for a job. :)
Another experience that no one can forget is driving. Maybe you won't agree with me and say riding a bike or a motorbike. but that's childplay. Driving A car is the ultimate adult coolness thing that a kid could ever want. Until u realize the traffic jams, and the petrol is costing u a fortune that is. Anyway, my driving lessons is coming along fine. And i realize, people need a little push. Everyone does.
My driving instructor is always pushing me to .... u know ....do this perfect shift thingy with the gears. And i'm like .. dude, it's just the gear. Signal ... bla bla bla. But then i remembered how most of my friends would drive like they could insert a coin and have another go again. And how i wanted to be like that. So i just said to myself, learn the basics then drive like hell. So learn i did. The whole 3 point turn thingy, the mountain thingy but maybe tomorrow i'd do the parking. It's fun, driving. I don't want to fail and go through it again.
Finally finished downloading curb your enthusiasm season 1 - 5. I'm burning it into a DVD disc. This series is worth the hassle.
Got a basketball friendly this sunday. The basketball team that i'm currently on is called lil' pony. Sorta like hip hop meets carebear. Gangsta rap meets siti nurhaliza. lil' pony. That's whacked dude. I'm not arguing since it's not my team and what's in a name anyway? It's the team that counts. It would be cool if a pony kick ass wouldn't it. i hope ass kicking we will do.
The raya haji just passed. I was late so i missed the prayer. that sucked. well, that's all i have to say. Til later. sweet dreams.
And employers in Jobstreet really doesn't care about me. My application didn't turn in any respond. The least they can do is say that i don't deserve their attention or something nicer. It's like i'm hopelessly waiting. Is it a yes or a no. It feels like when you are waiting for a bus for like hours and you want to just give up on waiting and take a cab eventhough it cost a lot more. But then you're like .... oh maybe 15 mins more .... and then the bus still didn't show up. And when it finally did... it's no use. You already missed the appoinment coz the bus is late. whatever. the bottom line is waiting for an answer sucks. hell ... waiting alone sucks. b ut i try to be patient. I can't expect i'm the michael jordan of the engineering industry where every company in malaysia wants at least a piece of me if not whole.
but jobhunting is an experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Maybe for a job. :)
Another experience that no one can forget is driving. Maybe you won't agree with me and say riding a bike or a motorbike. but that's childplay. Driving A car is the ultimate adult coolness thing that a kid could ever want. Until u realize the traffic jams, and the petrol is costing u a fortune that is. Anyway, my driving lessons is coming along fine. And i realize, people need a little push. Everyone does.
My driving instructor is always pushing me to .... u know ....do this perfect shift thingy with the gears. And i'm like .. dude, it's just the gear. Signal ... bla bla bla. But then i remembered how most of my friends would drive like they could insert a coin and have another go again. And how i wanted to be like that. So i just said to myself, learn the basics then drive like hell. So learn i did. The whole 3 point turn thingy, the mountain thingy but maybe tomorrow i'd do the parking. It's fun, driving. I don't want to fail and go through it again.
Finally finished downloading curb your enthusiasm season 1 - 5. I'm burning it into a DVD disc. This series is worth the hassle.
Got a basketball friendly this sunday. The basketball team that i'm currently on is called lil' pony. Sorta like hip hop meets carebear. Gangsta rap meets siti nurhaliza. lil' pony. That's whacked dude. I'm not arguing since it's not my team and what's in a name anyway? It's the team that counts. It would be cool if a pony kick ass wouldn't it. i hope ass kicking we will do.
The raya haji just passed. I was late so i missed the prayer. that sucked. well, that's all i have to say. Til later. sweet dreams.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Reference
Everyone has a dream. But none would like to be called a dreamer. To malays dreaming doesn't lead you anywhere. But following everyone else doesn't either. It only leads to a destination that you not by choice or by choice wanted to be. But dreaming, if you work on it, leads you where you want to "live". It made quotes like "live your dream" seems so true.
We all dream. The problem is we don't give ourselves much credit towards what we are dreaming about. It's always stupid to think about things that will never happen. Never? To me there's never a dream that don't come true, only dreams that was only dreamt but never got a chance to turn into reality . A dream should serve as a motivator. A dream is not an empty thought. It's an idea of a life worth living. A dream is only a dream when you say them but, life , if you live them.
One great thing about being young and healthy is the fact that there is this priceless thing we youths have which is called enthusiasm. It is driven by many factors. It is best driven by a dream. I know one day enthusiasm will be driven by obligations. By comitments. When that day come, i know once i had a dream. Once i thought of something so real that i could see it in front of my eyes. Once i wrote something about living a dream but i haven't got the balls to live them.
And i would give anything to have youthful energetic enthusasim on my side again.
I hope i get to where i want to be. The place where i always bitch about. The place where i dream of living. The dream.
Hmm, how about a bad dream? I don;t want to live in a bad dream. Can i do something about it. Of course. But how. You identify the source. wich is Fear. Fear kills hope. Fear serve as a wall between your dream and your reality. Those wall must go down. There would always be hope and you can bet fear always tag along. A good life is where dreams and reality co-exist to form a serentiy and a peace of mind where nothing limits you.
Enthusiasm is best driven by a dream. Fear is best driven by risks. Victory means conquering your fear. you can lose but win at the same time. You lost if you give up. losing is improving. Failing doesn't mean your inadequate. But knowing that you can win but you didn't because you don't do good enough hurts the most. And to conquer your fear you have to take risk. In fact, to live we take risks. I've taken risks and i've not taken risks. Those that i didn't take led me to regret. Questions like what ifs started to pop. I've got nothing to lose to start with. Why wasn't we taught risk taking at school?
Why are we so passive and dead? Why do we feel insecure and scared. Taking risk is a good exercise. It helps you get through life faster. Calculated risks of course.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 5 years? 1 year? 6 months from now? i know i'm no better then yesterday. And tomorrow will be no better. Choices are always there to be made. But i avoid choices. I thought gave up on nothing when there was something to strive for. That's the worst thing ever that could invade my mind. giving up.
I hate that my mind feels so confined where i could only dream of things. I hate the fact that life is a plastic mould that someone thought would be good for me. I hate the fact that i'm gonna live that life and be happy with it only to wake up 4 am in the morning thinking could i do better? I hate feeling locked up because i'm scared to take risk. I want liberation of the mind. I want to be shown the way.
I see what i want. But i can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can only dream of tasting it. I have it firmly in my grasps. But i can't feel it .sadly. damn it. How long can i lead this dream before it turned to a false sense of hope. give up now. Stop now. Stop now. Stop now.
It's easy. You are already free. Not making choices is freedom. Following is normal. Normal is what people are thriving for. Life is suppose to be average. Don't dream of what you can't afford. Dreaming is great until you wake up. You're lucky to be living in a system where to live you only have to follow. Why think? Just act. You have no choice. You have no options. Nothing good will happen to you if you dream. Hope is dangerous. Hope kills. Fear is normal. Being scared is normal. It's only human to avoid risk. AVoiding risk for your own safety. ENthusiastic about life doesn't mean you should neglect the facts of reality. Dreaming is a symptom of insecurity. Inadequacy only happens to those who knows but nevertheless tried and then failed. You don't have to dream. It stops here. DOn't fight it. It's easy. It's not wrong. Everyone is doing it. You don't have to struggle. You'll sleep soundly. soundly.
Wake up from your dream.
We all dream. The problem is we don't give ourselves much credit towards what we are dreaming about. It's always stupid to think about things that will never happen. Never? To me there's never a dream that don't come true, only dreams that was only dreamt but never got a chance to turn into reality . A dream should serve as a motivator. A dream is not an empty thought. It's an idea of a life worth living. A dream is only a dream when you say them but, life , if you live them.
One great thing about being young and healthy is the fact that there is this priceless thing we youths have which is called enthusiasm. It is driven by many factors. It is best driven by a dream. I know one day enthusiasm will be driven by obligations. By comitments. When that day come, i know once i had a dream. Once i thought of something so real that i could see it in front of my eyes. Once i wrote something about living a dream but i haven't got the balls to live them.
And i would give anything to have youthful energetic enthusasim on my side again.
I hope i get to where i want to be. The place where i always bitch about. The place where i dream of living. The dream.
Hmm, how about a bad dream? I don;t want to live in a bad dream. Can i do something about it. Of course. But how. You identify the source. wich is Fear. Fear kills hope. Fear serve as a wall between your dream and your reality. Those wall must go down. There would always be hope and you can bet fear always tag along. A good life is where dreams and reality co-exist to form a serentiy and a peace of mind where nothing limits you.
Enthusiasm is best driven by a dream. Fear is best driven by risks. Victory means conquering your fear. you can lose but win at the same time. You lost if you give up. losing is improving. Failing doesn't mean your inadequate. But knowing that you can win but you didn't because you don't do good enough hurts the most. And to conquer your fear you have to take risk. In fact, to live we take risks. I've taken risks and i've not taken risks. Those that i didn't take led me to regret. Questions like what ifs started to pop. I've got nothing to lose to start with. Why wasn't we taught risk taking at school?
Why are we so passive and dead? Why do we feel insecure and scared. Taking risk is a good exercise. It helps you get through life faster. Calculated risks of course.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 5 years? 1 year? 6 months from now? i know i'm no better then yesterday. And tomorrow will be no better. Choices are always there to be made. But i avoid choices. I thought gave up on nothing when there was something to strive for. That's the worst thing ever that could invade my mind. giving up.
I hate that my mind feels so confined where i could only dream of things. I hate the fact that life is a plastic mould that someone thought would be good for me. I hate the fact that i'm gonna live that life and be happy with it only to wake up 4 am in the morning thinking could i do better? I hate feeling locked up because i'm scared to take risk. I want liberation of the mind. I want to be shown the way.
I see what i want. But i can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can only dream of tasting it. I have it firmly in my grasps. But i can't feel it .sadly. damn it. How long can i lead this dream before it turned to a false sense of hope. give up now. Stop now. Stop now. Stop now.
It's easy. You are already free. Not making choices is freedom. Following is normal. Normal is what people are thriving for. Life is suppose to be average. Don't dream of what you can't afford. Dreaming is great until you wake up. You're lucky to be living in a system where to live you only have to follow. Why think? Just act. You have no choice. You have no options. Nothing good will happen to you if you dream. Hope is dangerous. Hope kills. Fear is normal. Being scared is normal. It's only human to avoid risk. AVoiding risk for your own safety. ENthusiastic about life doesn't mean you should neglect the facts of reality. Dreaming is a symptom of insecurity. Inadequacy only happens to those who knows but nevertheless tried and then failed. You don't have to dream. It stops here. DOn't fight it. It's easy. It's not wrong. Everyone is doing it. You don't have to struggle. You'll sleep soundly. soundly.
Wake up from your dream.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
plastic life
last time out, i went to KLCC. Of course any ass would know those big twin towers in the heart of KL. I've been using the towers as lomo subjects many times. Anyway, i went with arip. We were on this road that really not many cars was on and it was sunday! Anyway, i got a glimpse of the towers from the front and i kinda got this full image of the towers and it's simply majestic. Got to parking and off meeting friends and stuff. Anyway, i was walking and browsing looking at stuff i need and want and they all seems to cost so much money. I have money in the bank but i got a basketball game and that will cost me, and i spent like almost everyday snooking. And i better start my driving lessons before my money runs out. Boy am i glad i don't smoke.
I hope i would get a job by february coz being broke sucks man. And this time around i'm dreaming and i still am about goin to mabul. arip was there when he was outstation, and he said it was great. and by looking at pictures of the island. damn it! it's so awesome. But everything, i mean everything has it price. Even KLCC's toilet cost RM2. I mean what the fuck? Do they substitute water with coke in there? Or have this cool toilet that you can just lay your ass and these toilet will massage your back and after you done shitting a butler would come and wipe your ass? I'm not paying RM2 to shit.
Being jobless made me so anxious. Anxious about working. Whenever i hear about people getting interviewed or someone landing some major job, i would get anxious. Coz recently my pal told me that the ministry of education would terminate the contract that paid me the studying fees. Which means that i cannot pursue the masters degree since there's no more contract. but on the upside i don't have to pay the ministry back. Unlike PTPTN, it's a loan. But it's just a rumor. ANyway, that would mean no guarantee of me studying again, which led me to the source of my anxiousness of not getting a job. No job no money. And without money, nothing goes.
Being jobless also turned me into a bum. I would wake up late, i mean relly late and then i would play NFS for hours and off to basketball. And i'm through with NFS so to avoid boredom i downloaded curb your enthusiasm. LIFESAVER! This series i tell you is in its own league. FUnny as hell. Funny is only half of it. The series sorta made me look at small insignificant things from different perspectives. It's in its 5th season now so i better start downloading.
ARsenal is playing MAN U this wednesday. Early in the morning. I started telling my MU supporting frens that ARsenal is gonna kick MU ass. Taunting and teasing their club is fun. I might as well talk trash now coz after the game i thinkMAN U would have the bragging rights. But they're playing at highbury and that is a reason to be optimistic. Well, if i ignore the fact that chelsea won 2-0 at highbury. go gunner.
So urm, how bout 2006? hope your're riding yours ... anxious free.
EAT DUST MAN U!
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