new year's eve

i was watching the NBA while surfing the internet when a bunch of religious driven people rang my housebell and started preaching sort of. ASking me to come along and join their program tonight.
It stopped my ecstassy.

These tabligh are mostly the source of uncomfort for those with a busy schedule or those with important things to do... well i bet 90% of them really excuse themselves and their time because we don't want people telling us we're bad people. we already know that. And when faced with these people who really wanted to help we feel insecure and suddenly we panic.

Owh faith. How mom and dad would love seeing us being spiritual and all. But the truth is we are so worked up with our problems that we tend to forgot. I would like to think that we sometime forgot. WE believe, we are not faithless and by far, faith has kept us bound from doing anything wrong.
Well Almost.

And a wakeup call for something like this is rather unexpected when you're hoping for someone to take you out celebrating new year tonight. It really got my brain cranking and change was the way to go at that time. I mean, i can't disagree to everything the dude says because its the truth. It's something that you don't say no or try to start a debate over who's right. They're always right. But my brain was trained to come up with an excuse when this sort of situation happen. And i always ... come up with a beautiful excuse.

Gotta play mr. guard-the-house coz mom and dad are out. What a good boy. I make my self sick sometime. But, you know you gotta drop it like it's hot.

So arsenal, 8.40pm, i'll be glued in front of the TV..... you know it. I do feel terrible and i hope i'd change. But hey, at least i answered when they rang instead of just staying quiet as if no one's home.

you know who you are :)

xxx-mas

merry christmas to all christians, i don't have that many christian friends, hmm.

anyway 2006 is just days ahead, and it's been a good year. And if there was an assesment on life, i would probably say i progressed. At least a little. i finished studying. that's a big progress.

but i'm sad to see some are still struggling, still clueless about themselves. Yes, we human tend to be ignorant. It's human nature. It's not deliberate. It's easier to just let things go rotten as long as YOU are fine. It's much better pleasing YOU then anyone else. It's easier to disagree on things you don't like rather then TRYING to understand it. It's easier to hide your flaws then to change it. IT's easy for YOU to ignore but it's sure as hell isn't easy for people who have taken a good beating on the matter to notice.

when we're growing up and entering these new phase that almost all early 20's kids will, we can't afford to shut our eyes to the harsh reality. i'm more insecure then ever. But i'm glad the delusion of people judging me all the time is slowly fading away. I guess i just don't care anymore. There are many things that needed sorting out. So when i meet, i'll greet. It's as simple as that.

once, when we're kids and innocent there's never this much options. They're either tora-tora or ding-dang. go to school or not. But now, the consequences of our actions go deeper than we ever imagine. It will fuck the next 20-30 years of our lives. But it can also make our life better. Options that could affect the lives of many. Options that could hurt. And you gotta choose based on your priorities. Not anyone elses.

Well almost the majority of those i know are in their early 20's. And it's a fucking crossroad i tell you. You can get lost. so lost that you have to live with it.

Next year (i hope) i'll start to live. For now, i'm as dead as a willow tree in autumn and i'm enjoying it. I'm right now living off things i love doing. Let those dreams and hope just float for now. I'm gonna get to it soon.

For those living their dreams and making things happen as time goes, good for you. If you're stuck, stagnant and not getting to where you wanna be, it's almost never the world or people's fault. you is always a big contributing factor.

bye bye 2005 :)

wow, i must say. sean penn is the only person that can look macho while suffering heart failure. that's the case in 21 grams.

like last days, the plot is quite simple with fucked time line. so, in order to fully understand the movie , audience must finish the movie. good movie. 21 grams.

last days is allright. it's inspired by the last days of kurt cobain. even got the kurt loader MTV interview thing near the end after blake blew his head away. poor artistic people. no one can understand their complex soul. do you have one? if you do, stay away from a loaded rifle and drugs. stick to music and everything would be allrite.

astro screened this cool romantick flick with rene zelweger and obi wan kenobi in it before 21 grams. ( i forgot the dude's name). its set in the 40's. it's quite funny. corny. but funny.

whew, i'm bored already. i'm gonna look for DVD's or wait for any cool movies that astro would screen. i'm downloading NFS most wanted. GTA san andreas is really pissing me off. the map is fucking huge.

ARSENAL NEWS

i am now optimistic about arsenal chances of progressing beyond the last 16 in the champ league after being drawn to real madrid.

well since arsenal and r. madrid both suck at defending at the moment the chances are 50-50.

but considering r. madrid firepower i won't be surpised if arsenal get knocked out of the comp.

anyway, i have faith in the squad and talisman thierry henry who is finding his form.

speaking of arsenal, sunday's game against chelsea should be a treat to watch. after all the mind games, both manager would not consider losing as an option. too much is at stake.

i'm going for an arsenal win. 1 -0. surely.

punk'd

Last sunday i went to jb for my friend's wedding. And it turned out to be some sort of reunion gathering. It's so cool to meet my old comrades from school. Everybody was there. well almost.

These past few days the kids at serdang are getting more into football. And we played almost every afternoon now.

considering about getting a job. maybe later.

ARSENAL lost 2 consecutive league games. the gunners are gunned! but not dead. they're still in the CL and the cups competition.

adios amigos

Good Morning

My vision was restricted
to some natural beauty
where some took for granted
but at 7.30 am this morning
i'm glad i was there
i'm glad god let me share

the long straight road remind me
of little kids who are so pure
sparkling as mineral water
as naive as those who had passions
only to realize they're just reasons
to gain attention

as i was worrying if i'll ever get home
i sing some as a relief
i put faith first cause i believe
even when sometime faith,
is the thing i constantly leave

when the signboard reveal what i wanted to see
i screamed within
to me its like i win
even if i don't know what or who was the competition

maybe when you hope
and it drives you
to some known destination
you would like to think
that you win.

as for resolutions
that could wait some more
cause i can never be done for
resolutions from before

en route

Glad to be back home. It took me 3 and a half hour of a back breaking motorcycle ride to finally reach my front gate.

Wow. I have to come up with something to do to fill my free time. I'm getting my driver's license. Yes, i don't have one. It's like a common thing for people to be driving. Back in the old days, driving is only for those who can afford it. Hmmm...So i'll be common and go for my driver's license.

Oh yeah, The graduation night went great. Met old buddies that has started work already. Some are driving big fancy cars. I'm happy for them. Happy to see them. Happy to see them be happy and finally got their shit work out.

Me and my buddy rambo presented a couple of songs by PADI and PETER PAN during the grad night. menanti sebuah jawaban and bintang di surga. Did some un-rehearsed gimmick. Half way through bintang di surga we messed up and stopped. Everyone thought we were doing some sorta gimmick but the truth was i fucked up because i forgot the chords and stuff. Big laugh from everyone. And later Rambo did some poetry stuff. It was fun.

Me and farah got this really nifty headphones with a mic attached so we could call eachother with YM!. And it was ok eventho the voice got stuck sometime. but still i could hear her and she could hear me. So that's cool.

I'm planning to get me NFS most wanted because from what i have seen the game rocks! shit...
and maybe format my Pc coz my PC annoys me these past few days. I know its not its fault. it's infected with some sort of virus. don't worry PC. I'll format u and later we'll be shifting perfect gears and having lotsa fun with racer chicks.

I really am hoping that i'll be accepted for the masters program at KUiTTHO later next year. I'm gonna visit KPM and ask them personally the procedure concerning my case. ASk them about how i can appeal so i'll be accepted. What's the channel to go through and stuff.

When i think about it, i was at fault for fucking up my own acceptance. I could've at least gotten the minimum allowed CPa to get accepted. During those jahiliah days as i would like to call it, i was drowning with too much money and too much time. And i was lucky not to be kicked out cause that would really fucked up my already fucked up situation.

Like the sand in the hour glass so is the days of our lives?

wall number four

wall numebr three

wall number 2

wall number one

adult entertainment

it's been raining almost everyday and it made me wonder if it would rain .... when umm ... i ride my motorcycle back home next week. 300 fucking kilomteres on a motorcycle. its gonna be a back breaker for sure.

nothing's been happening much. i'm still doing brainless activity. playing games, watching movies.... just stuff. boring stuff actually.

started on my resume but there are still some blanks to be filled. not that enthusiastic about work. i was really looking forward to further my studies but my CPA is really fucked so........ i guess....my chances of being accepted is close to ZERO....which leaves me no option but to take my chances looking for work. but hell, i'm not giving up on the futher studying shit. i'm gonna beg if i have to.

about the looking for work thing.... i'm just gonna try and enjoy going to interviews (if i get any). i;m under contract which in it state that i must work for the governemtn for 7 years and finish doing my master of education degree. so i got nothing to lose but knowledge, experience and money.

if i do get a job i'm gonna work hard and earn some money. i owe it to my parents and my self.

desperate housewives is getting more and more exciting. more suspense.

i'm gonna 'apply' for my driving license when i get back. to those who still doesn't have a legitimate driving license can come and join me. stop being a vigilante (?). drive legally.

so this is it.

it only gets weirder and weirder. to me, life don't get harder.... it gets weirder. it gets wilder. as you grow ... you would like to think that our mind would grow as well but some people become more fucked up as they're growing up. their way of thinking is not those of a grown up. sometimes they can't even find the rational in things. they get more selfish that's for sure. more greedy perhaps. more obsessive. the desire to quench their thirst for attention is multiplied. winning is more important than having fun, bla bla bla.

there are some things that i have to start getting use to because the world is full of weirdos. i might as well be one. but that's just me. what do i know. i'm losing rational my self. i guess 2 weeks of doing nothing gives you that effect.

so as far as today, i came up with the ingredients that make up an adult.

1. work
2.money
3.car
4.tons of responsibility
5.loved ones (wife etc)
6. faith

but i really would like to put buying a drum set after 2. or put further my fucking studies before 1. or visit an island somewhere near nepal and snap load of pictures between 3 and 4. however...... basically..... if you don't have them, its allright.

enthusiastic about being an adult?. adultery. why do they call it adultery? only adult commits adultery. adult entertainment. why do they call it adult entertainment? because only adult entertaint themselves that way (?). being an adult is over rated.

its the same song all over again.

ah shut the fuck up ... grow up. get a job. grow a moustache. buy a neck tie and start sending out your resume because they're not waiting for you to grow up.

on a completely different topic ............................ mosquitos are such mother fuckers.

ah fuck! these mosquitos are having a fucking feast. why the fuck do they love my legs god damn it. ah shit! don't they have other people to bite. other blood to taste? i'm fucking thin. i need all the blood i have.haha ..yeah motehrfucker.... i got one. hahha.. you blood sucking piece of shit. .

i can't take this anymore. i'm outta here.

harry smokin potter

finally the exam result are out and i passed , and after that farah and me went for harry potter, damn good movie, its out of this world. and the trailer king kong also got me all excited, can't wait to watch that god damned big furry monkey fighting with dinosours and destroying light aircraft while clinmging to the empire state building.

till later,

anyone

anyone got time and money? let's just fucking go, ok?

let's

i wanna see that thin line where the sky and the sea meet
i'd be there standing on my own two feet
and say "this is all worth it" and glee
for i am having an affair with the sea

i want to see the sand, the greens
i want to hear the wave scream
salt my body like i need some cream
forget about all those wannabe pimps
i'd include you in my dream

i'd put image on paper
i'd constantly wipe my tear
i'd pay with money
i would need some company
whoever it'll be
we're gonna see
we're gonna have
an affair with the sea

join me
waste yourselves
be ignorant while you can
be still
and hope that it's bliss you feel
because that's what you get
by having an affair with the sea

blood in blood out

An epic story of three brothers. Bound by blood. Divided by fate. Driven by destiny.

This movie depicts the gang wars in Californian jails during the 1980s. The half-brothers Paco and Cruz grow up together with their cousin Miklo in one of the lesser districts of L.A. When Miklo more or less accidentally kills another guy in a gang fight, he has to go to jail in St. Quentin, where he soon starts a career in a drug connection. Meanwhile Paco joins the police and returns to the district as a determined officer in the vice squad. When Miklo is released on probation after 9 years, but keeps working for his gang, he soon clashes with Paco.

love actually is all around

Love actually

UK romantic flick.

funny exorcists

www.theexorcismofemilyrose.com

this is one scary movie with scary special effects but with funny storyline.

the end

cannot log on to the world wide web becoz my pc is experiencing some network problem. i don't know what.

i'm through with studying, for now at least. don't have to worry about pointers no more coz i don't think my CPA would slump to 1.5.

anyway, now i'm in limbo. it feels quite cool. not having to wake up knowing you have stuff to do.
i'm spending my day watching movies and just hanging out with friends and loved one. so it's quite allright.

sorry min becoz i cannot make it to your open house. why don't you open table next time eh. same kan?

e a t

selamat hari raya ... its the 3rd day .. and i have had enough of ketupat , lemang etc... yesterday watched only the first 30 minutes of PGL ... kinda interesting.... must find vcd ... the night before ... Pukianak-sundal-harum-lancau ... that movie hurt my feelings ... even my 6 yr old cousin laugh at the movie man ...

no angpaw for grown-ups. children dun need money arrr .. why should give to lil kids. they're gonna spend it on ding dang or some stupid lil kid things. better give to grown up so can waste on cigaret or snuker.

i haven't started my revision yet. regret ever bringing heavy books/notes home. i know that i won't get anything done if i take them home. but i said " yes, do it u can" with the yoda voice. but astro spoil my plan arr... i blame everything on astro ...

i was sick during the 1st hari raya. wanna puke man. stinging headache. fuken weak man. cannot wake up and do stuff. just went for the hari raya prayer and then sleep till afternoon. damn antibiotic wear off and my antibodi cannot cope on their own.. . shit. nausea. my throat hurt when i eat and when i swallow my spit.

negeri sembilan has many mosquito i tell you...even during daylight... all want to taste my blood..the mosquito i tell you.... are having a party on my body i tell you. they kept attacking me without mercy...

but everyone looks good man ... they said i look thinner ... and my eyes look like those from a sick person. do i look that skinny? i dun do drugs man .. i hope they believe me ...

fire crackers are fun man .... ... very fun to play ... i blew up some bad mangoes man ... they stink like shit i tell u...haha ... very dangerous man ....

but i love hari raya man ... stay home also fun what ....