Wednesday, July 27, 2005

THIS IS FOR BEING ALIVE, TODAY


Today - Smashing Pumpkins
Today is the greatest Day I ’ve ever kown Can’t live for tomorrow Tomorrow’s much too long I burn my eyes out Before I get out I wanted more Than life could ever grant Bored by the chore Of saving face Today is the greatest Day I have ever known Can’t wait for tomorrow I might not have that long I’ll tear my heart out Before I get out Pink ribbon scars That never forget I’ve tried so hard To cleanse these regrets My angel wings Were bruised and restrained My belly stings Today is Today is Today is The greatest day That I have ever known I want to turn you on I want to turn you round I want to turn you on I want to turn you Today is the greatest Today is the greatest day Today is the greatest day That I have ever known

hmmm i need new songs

flu cold


i'm fighting this cold that i think i caught from farah. anyway.. i'm feeling a whole lot better..if i was the alien in the war of the world movie i would not be here typing this. i'd be dead.

anyway, farah has started her own blog. so i welcome that. and wafi also. blogging isn't like talking. u could say so much more in written sentences than u would in hours of conversations. things just pop up and you would write away. and if you hurt someone's feeling you don't have to look at their faces.

being sick kinda makes me think how we could die anytime. and dying kinda sucks. i mean if i die now. unless we're ready for the afterlife. damn it. this must be the combo of tru calling and me being sick that kinda made me want to write about death.

speaking of death, there was this rempit who almost died. farah almost hit him with her car. i wanted him to die. because he got away with probably him feeling so great that he managed to escape death while me and farah was trembling with fear. if she did ram this rempit and he died, it's not her fault. she did everything by the book. but the mess later and the time consumed with the police and insurance would be such a drag.

things you do when you are young. you're invincible as long as your'e alive. that's kinda true for this guy. i don't know if i ever did something so risky in my life. have you? for once put your life on a line. like parachuting from a plane, or bungee jumping? it looks fun. maybe someday.

how about the earthquakes huh? this year alone there are more than 10 cases already. i guess the world is going to an end. its almost judgement day.

anyway, i've made up my mind. i'm going back to serdang this friday. hopefully mom would prepare me some food.


Sunday, July 24, 2005

Cobain's 'Last Days' inspire Van Sant movie


LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Director Gus Van Sant's new film may be dedicated to and inspired by Kurt Cobain, but moviegoers hoping for a sensationalistic look at the suicide of the Nirvana rocker won't find it in "Last Days".

The film, which stars Michael Pitt ("The Dreamers") as a musician hiding out in his enormous stone house from his career, his family and his parasitic hangers-on, opened in New York and Los Angeles on Friday.

Contemplative rather than reportorial, "Last Days" eschews many of the conventions of mainstream narrative movies, although with "Good Will Hunting" to his credit, Van Sant is no stranger to more crowd-pleasing fare.

Like the director's previous two films, "Last Days" uses a real-life incident as a point of artistic departure. "Gerry" (2002) centered on two hikers stranded in the desert, and "Elephant," which won the top award at the Canes Film Festival.

Cannes Film Festival in 2003, followed a group of high school students in the days before a shooting rampage similar to the one at Columbine.

Like those movies, Van Sant's imagining of Cobain's final descent in 1994 is interested less in answers than in suggestion and observation.

"There isn't really one answer," the director said in a recent interview. "If there is, I tend to think that the answers become sort of like scapegoats. People want answers in the same way that they want the culprit. It doesn't matter if the guy or girl was really responsible for the crime, so long as you have somebody to hang by the tree."

But complicated questions like death, suicide and mass murder, he says, defy simple answers. "We show instances of what may be bothering our character in 'Last Days,' but we don't say, 'This is for sure the reason."'

Van Sant was drawn to the final chapter of Cobain's saga precisely because there is so little information about it.

What is known is that Cobain, battling heroin addiction, a chronic stomach ailment and creative insecurity, spent his last days in virtual solitude before retreating to the greenhouse of his Seattle home and putting a shotgun to his mouth. His body was not discovered for several days.

The film follows the Cobain-inspired character in long takes while he tries to protect his troubled solitude from a variety of colleagues, friends and strangers, including four stoned hangers-on living in his house. (Pitt contributes his own musical compositions; there are no Nirvana songs in the film).

For his ensemble, Van Sant uses both professional actors (Lukas Haas, Ricky Jay, Asia Argento) and first-timers like musician Kim Gordon of veteran indie rock band Sonic Youth.

Van Sant creates an atmosphere of seclusion and disconnection in the film, which was shot mostly in and around a 19th century castle in upstate New York.

"There is no story," Van Sant said with a laugh. "There's a direction, but there's no setup."


Friday, July 22, 2005

john mayer's daughters

this song just have the balance of love and life. i like balance.

i know a girl

She puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

get well soon farah



dump

on wednesday i went to jb with dear farah and i bought myself a nike sandal. and farah was even nice enough to lend me money to buy this black basketball shoe but unfortunately they don't have my size. so i just end up goin' back to batu pahat with just a sandal. so i guess i'll be playing with my aspic "kick ass" shoes.

And farah is so sick today. sick of me.? hahaha... no actually. ..she came down with this sore throat and flu and stuff. and she's been sayin how she wanted to puke when she lays down and when she sits her head hurts... poor girl ... get well soon dear....

a friend asked me to play in his team in the upcoming kuittho sports carnival. that was flattering. but i don't know if i could play or not. since probably the carnival clashes with the MB cup. i wanna play both.

and mostly my classmates who recently just completed their 5 years course are workin already. they are getting paid 1600 - 2300RM. damn it . i could barely survive here let alone afford anything fancy. i guess now they can. i think most of them are thinking of the big stuff now. They're in the big league now. cars, house and even getting married comes to their mind. they're almost completing their transistion to being a full adult. well almost. so i'm like broke, and i don't even have a driving license and i have no savings. i'm thinking like what the fuck am i still doing? on the other hand, i could wake up late and have all this time to myself. the only problem with too much time is having too much time with so little money. so money kind of limits everything.

the transisition? i thought adolesence and puberty was hard enough. but there's lot more coming our way. we'll be mothers and fathers eventually. and we'll be raising our own. we are going to sacrifice a lot of our time and doing all the things we've been doing all along making sure everythings gonna be allright. there's no more "i". it'll be "we". now it's "i want this i want that". but later on it's gonna be "we need this, we need that". and we're gonna grow fat and bald. and our limbs will start to give and goin up the stairs would be like climbing mt everest. i'm going too far there.

i see my friends are more aware of their surroundings. they are starting to care about other people's feelings and are more sensitive. they are starting to step up when it counts. start acting out what they've planned instead of letting it just be another dream. there was once a time when money was for buying stuff but now money is for our parents and to be saved for more useful spending. i don't know if i'm like that. i tend to run away from things if i'm not sure i'm capable enough. i'd rather sit, watch and comment. it's so immature. it feels like you're inside a shell and whoever tries to get into your space will offend you. and you are so afraid of going out of the shell because you got used to it for so long that u're afraid you'll be a target out in the open.

it is mind boggling huh? i guess that how dreams die. the got replaced by another more mature dream. a dream of having a complete life. the basic foundation of life, money, family, asets and maybe a little time.




Tuesday, July 19, 2005

how you may end up

lover boys and lover girls

go to

http://www.crush007.com/love.cgi?id=1121767973xfq

you will be surprised on how you may end up!

its very accurate!

try it!


Sunday, July 17, 2005

PATRICK VIERA

these few days, fellow arsenal fans including yours truly, have been talking about the latest news on patrick viera leaving arsenal for juventus. He had an absolutely great season last season, but now that he's left there's a big gap in the central midfield area and we are all wondering who could fill that gap. So, good luck viera.

and i borrowed my frens PS2, the memory card don't work, so i can't play any games that would take me more than a day to finish coz i can't save the game. so that suck huh?.

watched Fantastic 4 with farah and it's fantastic. War of the world however is ok. The storyline suck though but the computer effect is always nice to watch. spielberg kinda lost it on this movie. maybe he's old.

its been raining here like almost everyday. so it's very cool and i can sleep forever in this condition.

i want to go back to serdang so i can shoot some hoops. damn it. my friend downloaded the 2005 all-star game and that made me want to play even more.

i got an assignment but i'm too lazy to even start. maybe i'll just copy.

zzzzzzz

Thursday, July 14, 2005

monologue

i got no class on thursday and wednesday .... got only one class on friday .. so if i want to go back to serdang i could split on wednesday and ditch the friday class .... cool eh? .. and class on monday start at 5pm .. ..how cool is that?

but i'm short on money .. i need to sort out lotsa things ...moneywise.... balik kampung everyweek isn't a practical thing to do ....but hell.... i can use the time to do lots of useful stuff like pc gaming and sleeping...

so finally finished sepet ... the malay movie that i rank among the highest ... its almost realistic ... almost ... the story kinda fits .... that is as real as a malay movie could get ... the movie did pretty well potraying the malaysians .... but there was no indians actor/ress .. or maybe i missed it ... so that's kinda weird ......hummm .... the movie is allright .... i haven't watched PGL yet ... so i couldn't predict which movie could win the malaysian movie award thingy .... i wonder which movie deserves the award .... hurmm ... anyway ...now, i can say that malay movies doesn't suck all the time ...

and there's this new malaysia made reality tv show .... mencari cinta or something .... that's totally fucked up .... it lacks the 'it' factor ....it's so not orignial .....i prefer explorace.....hope the show goes well ... i doubt it ...

and umm ... the news is still hot on the london bombing .... they're looking for the bombers .. i mean the master bomber ..... the bombers are suicide freedom fighters ..... so maybe they were following orders or something from the'master bomber' since the bombing happened almost simultaneously....so they must've worked out a plan on timings and logistics and shit ....and the plan could've been ordered by the master bomber.....and the bombers just executed their orders....

and so... the islamic community at london gets it .... islam is against this violence nonsense ....but as long as these freedom bombers keep doin their thing .. they'll (americans/brits) never understand .... they'd keep blaming islams for whatever thing that gets blown up.... i remember the oklahoma bombing... the americans got really pissed coz there was a nursery in that building and many children died during the attack ... so that event got them all worked up ... so the government i guess need a scapegoat ... and the first thing they thought was .. it must be another radical islamic attack ... and the media ... boy were they helpful huh? .. CNN were ground breaking....they found out later it was one of their ex-army dude that did the bombing .... before the truth was revealed the islams are the usual suspect .... americans are paranoid .... and goergie is fucked up .... i mean .... where is the WMD ? .... and so how did he justify his attacks on iraq? ... he claimed he is freeing the iraqis from saddams evil grip .... and as you can see today ... saddam is no more ... but people keeps dying from suicide explosions and such.... free? .... unlikely ....

i feel sorry for those who lost their loved ones on the bombings .... the world is just fucked up .... i'm glad malaysia don't blow up too often ... i think we do have some cases of radical terrorist explosions rite?... or was that at indon ... gotta get the facts straight .... i dunno ... but the murders here are horrifying man .... damn .... killers are getting more creative .... i think malaysia are only years away from having gangs on the street who shoots at other gangs .....maybe not ..hopefully not..

on a final note .... i love malaysia ... i'm glad to be alive .... the world is fucked up and is filled with sickos ....but as long as they don't bother me .... its ok ...

i'm hungry....

Monday, July 11, 2005

semester finale

this is hopefully my last semester ... and after degree i hope i could continue on to get my master..

anyway ... erm ... gonna register tomorrow .... suppose to register on friday but can't .... so tomorrow i'll probably get up EARLY in the morning .... and register .. get the classes schedule bla bla ...

i want to buy new sandals

war of the worlds .... its ok .....the CG aliens and scenes ... but the storyline doesn't relly fit .... since the aliens dies easily in the end ... the aliens got sick and die ... thats the ending .... supposedly the aliens...have been planning this takeover for millions of years .. so how can they miss something like how their body couldn't cope with earth's environment and how they are not immune like us to microbes and shit ... they planned their attack pretty well .... the tripods came out of the ground and start zapping people to dusts .. and drink their blood .... yup .. everyone related to tom's family lives ... what the? .... what's the odd of that happening ...? i mean his kid ran to the bursting flames and lives ...he even managed to find his way back to boston ..... but its okay .... steven's work is always awesome .. the camera's angle and the sound and scenes .. its awesome ....dakota rules ...

playing jedi knights now ... i have a lightsaber now ...

bye bye

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

fsgj

watched desperate housewives yesterday ... its ok .. funny ... erm .. goin back thursday ... registration on friday .... gotta finish lara croft angel of darkness ASAP ...

erm .. gerrad was suppose to leave liperpool but decided not to leave .... what a weirdo ...

and my new lomo pics ermm ... there were only 15 pics that was developed ... god damn photo develepoing shop probably thought the other pics are messed up ... maybe when i have money i'll go to another shop and develop it ...

arrr ..... gotta pack ... but i'm too lazy to do anything .... arghh /... damn it ..i am drifting and getting use to being lazy .. then school gotta start and spoil all of it ... arghh
....bored

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

me ...think? .. how?

wow ... went to bangsar today ... wow i feel really hip ...and radhi khalid was there ... the bangla from spana jaya ... wow ... ok now... i feel stupid ...

i hope whatever kadir and the gang is up to ... the mega project that would cost billions of dollars ...would go well .... i think it will go well .... they are experts at what they do .... by the way ... kadir's new kicks, the L23 really kick serious ass .... it cost 4++ ... some of the material on it is KEvlar .... yes ... the thing you would definitely buy when playing counterstrike ... unless u can dodge bullets ...

my brother called today and he's settled in ... and friends are always eager to see the sensitive side to this really violent heart ... sorry .... guys ... if you want me to cry ..buy me the L23 kicks ... i'll definitely drain my eyes out for you ....

so school is coming pretty fast .... i'm enjoying every moment i have with my beloved astro and free internet ...and food ... playing all the basketball i can ... jamming ... erm ... that one got to wait ...

so hopefully i can ride thorugh this semester without me having to think that much ... about money and time and shits ... i just want to go to class and take all the tests and quizzes and pass the exam with at least an A .. hahaha ....

i hope bosol made up his mind on when he would go back to pt raja ...he said most probably wednesday night .... indiana jones temple of the doom blows .... i can't watch it any further ... its too dumb .... lara croft's ass interest me right now ... the game that is ...



watched american beauty .... everytime its on .. i can't help but to finish watching it ... its a great movie .... ... it shows that people can hide their sorrows and it will build up and blow up....can never be happy with what they have .... and people are cowards who only do things because they have to regardless of how they feel towards it just to please people around them .... freaks are no different than us .. the only difference between us and them is that we can hide our freaky attributes from showing but they can't .... and the sooner you realize you're normal and typical like every one else the sooner you'll grow up .... you don't need to justify you are different ... no one is really .... everyone is insecure .... and love ... is hard to resist ...

reality bites ? .. seen that movie ? ,,, cool huh .. ethan 'sizzling hot' hawke really nailed his character .... (i'm not gay ... he is hot .. and you know it) .... its also about life sort of ... i like it ...there's a lot of people who thinks they are "Mr. look at me I'm Buddha on the mountain top" where everything is so easy to laugh at from a safe distance ... i kinda quote ben stiller on that ...
sometime i feel like that .... sometime i think some people are not qualified to talk to me or i'm not qualified or good enough to talk to them .... don't you feel like that sometime? it sucks i know.... ....and you don't want to think or fell that way .... and when you start to talk ... it's really either you are pleasing them or the other way around .....

well enough life wisdom mummblegumbala crap choohababa shit. . fuck that .. i'm sleeping ...

Friday, July 01, 2005

big heart...comprende?

errrr .. brasil won .... of course they'll win .... did you bet your money on argentina?.... you fool ....
great game .. 5 goals .... 4 came from the brasilians .... yeah .... great huh .... germany took the 3rd placing ..

erm .. the NBA draft is today .... dunno anyone .... last year's draft i knew lebron james ... his face was on basketball magazines everywhere since he's a high profile high-schooler with mad skills ...but the cavs didn't even made it to the playoffs ... and nike's sponsoring this guy and calling him king and shit .... he's good but he's no jordan .. jordan won 7 titles ..man ... how can you compare that .. scored 60 plus point s in the playoffs ... allen iverson could only come close .... lebron? .. he can be the king .... but jordan will always rule his ass ...


damn .. alexander helb agrees to join arsenal .. he's an experienced player .... champion league experience that is .. and if only arsenal can sign the wonderboy robinho ... who played soccer like hes playing futsal at kajang ... damn kid ... he's the next pele .. or ronaldo .... only if he can avoid getting kicked in the feet or avoid career ending tackles .... that's the only way to stop him .. you can anticipate his next move .. but he's lightning fast ..... oh why do i even bother explaining ....

i rather watch these great atheletes than be like them...and try to at least play with a big heart like them .... its doing what they love to do .... and playing with a lot of passion.... that's hard .... who doesn't love watching musicians pouring their shits out playing .... isn't it great if you can only judge those kinda shit .. passion, heart and shit ....the things your senses are limited to.... if an artist looks like a mutated mule but sings gracefully like the break of dawn ... these sort of artists will never appear on TV or even radio .... its too bad huh? ... or even a skinny kid playing his heart out out to help his team win ... without even concerning the ooponents physique ... he would just be out there playing his big heart out ...or a dead beat band playing their song out loud without even the slightest try to impress anyone? .. hurmmm.....ain't it great watching these never-bee's try their best ...?



.... but these people ... they'll never be good enough .... but when they do something with heart .... they're good enough by my standard ..... i don't need people saying they don't got this and that ... and complaining how bad they're taking it ..... if you're good but you don't have heart you don't have anything .... i guess i don't see everything as a mission ... every journey doesn't always have a destination ... i could be doing the same thing i'm doing now but still i won't have any regrets ....
and i'll probably will do it until ... i lost the heart to do it...

so guys and gals out there ... if you think you're doing something you love but seems like you're losing it ... do not despair .... just remember why you're doing it in the first place ... is it really the competition ....? ... the glamour ... the feel of admiration from fellow friends .... is it just you're ego and you think you deserve more than the next person ... is it because you've been doing it for so long that you think it's about time you're rewarded with a little something ... or are you in it ... for the journey .. the feeling you get when you do it? .. the rush ... knowing the people you play with also share the same feeling you're feeling ....? .. satisfying the unit rather than yourselves .... whoa ... a whole lot of wisdom crap right there .... i'm only impressed with passionate realistic people i guess ... who always try and look at everything and enjoy every moment .... a dreamer ... a do-er and not a talker .... these people will always be cool no matter how you judge them .... they'll constantly impresses you ....



enough self pity and complaints ... go and find something you love to do .... and do it with a lot of heart .....